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Lyrics in Progress (Not ready for Critical Review)

Rub your eyes
listen to  the cars go by
wonder will this ever end for me-
the way I want it to be?

I cant hold on
but I wont let go
Force a smile
don't let them know
It's all a dance
a grande parade
you had no chance
no choices to make.

 

So -

Rub your eyes
listen to the cars go by
wonder will this ever end for me-
the way I want it to be?
God I want it to be.

The good days come
but are gone so fast
they used to hang on
and help me pass
the demons inside
while they laughed & laughed.

I may tear up
but I won't cry
it's been done enough
as time's gone by
and I know this promise
is just a lie.

 

So-

Rub your eyes
grip your pen
lie to yourself
over again and again.


Rub your eyes
listen to the cars go by

will this ever end for me-
end the way I want it to be
God I want it to be;
Please God, I want it to be.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • Wesley Storer
    March 13, 2009

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    Coming along nicely!

    Are you Faye Dunaway? I think you are better looking than she is! I'm going to read another one of your poems now. God Bless!


  • myrataal gold member
    March 9, 2009

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    I loved how the repetition reinforced the theme ...

    as good lyrics usually do! Your words speak of the marginality of being human: despair in a world run by fragmented time, while the timeless soul yearns to be peaceful and whole in a womb of light and of love.

    Wished I could hear music set to this!

    Do you play the piano or guitar? Or any other instrument?

    Be well Rachele. Melancholy is a beautiful Muse.

    Love
    Myra


  • Jacob S. Steadman
    March 5, 2009
    Edit | Reply

    Please let me know when this one is completed.


  • Jacob S. Steadman
    March 1, 2009

    Edit | Reply

    Pretty impressive already.

    I love the way the rhyme in this poem seems totally natural and not at all forced. I think that when you have finished writing this it will be one of your best ever. Overall I liked it and can't wait to see it completed. Good luck and happy writing, Jimmy.