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He was Ted Hughes and I, Sylvia Plath.

I lost myself somewhere amongst his breathing.

We were lovers, resting on aquamarine arms of the sea.

He spoke in hints while I sketched may-flowers on his face.

We listened to the silent accord of the damp, December air,

and hummed love-songs to the lemon-skinned trees.

 

His words were fuelled with gun-powder,

causing anger to speak through winds,

and slam leaves to the ground. Wing-beats

of green and yellow, painted a kaleidoscope

while I coughed up clouds that began to sweat.

 

Music was written on his tongue, a jazzy

soprano on the tip, rolling down to the curves

in his neck that sent my mind into vertigo.

The sun always humiliated me and I do not know

why I thought yesterday would have been different.

 

I should have known that sage-green silhouettes

would eventually play with the nervousness in my hands.

There was no room for a flower in his Antartica;

I embraced and cursed the torrent of snowdrifts in his words.

To him, I was just an old piece of poetry, written in clichés.


 

 

 

Author notes

user name - ylova

Prompt: listen and let it inspire: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vOU8gfbef8Y
write something from the prompt: avalanche.

I used both as inspiration. I hope you like.

5-20 lines.

A contest entry

What did you think?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 22 of 22
  • This is beautiful...I don't know what else to say. This is art, this is poetry.


  • charcoal
    August 20

    Edit | Reply
    hummed love-songs to the lemon-skinned trees


    beautiful. each single word.

    bookmarked.


  • Hebz
    June 3
    Edit | Reply
    Winner

  • first of all.
    that first line is AMAZING.
    i love it so much.
    and this :

    Music was written on his tongue,

    and the final line.
    and wow.

    ElectricBloom

  • oh, I love all the metaphors and imagery...the second stanza had me going "omg"
    what a great piece of poetry. and how come you are not showing up one my home page when you write a new poem? how frustrating...I always have catching up to do with you! lol I love your poetry and hate to ever miss out on it




  • Heroesrox
    March 23

    Edit | Reply
    Awesome job using two prompts. I agree with the contest holder about the title, but it's still a great title! Awesome wording again! Keep up the great work!


  • tara wilson gold member
    March 7

    Edit | Reply
    but after having said what i felt i needed to say about the title, lolol...this is definately in the finalists...


  • tara wilson gold member
    March 7
    Edit | Reply
    "His words were fuelled with gun-powder,
    causing anger to speak through winds,
    and slam leaves to the ground."

    this is written really, really well, the poem is wonderful. but, there's something i don't like about the title, i wish you made this piece about you and him, given yourselves your own title,...and not compared this poem to Hughes & Plath...because i think this deserves its own, you know?

    thanks so much for entering.

    [fuelled - fueled?]


  • JinSays gold member
    March 7
    Edit | Reply
    whew,
    that's all your mama has to say
    Love,
    jin


  • Cup-a-Joe
    March 3
    Edit | Reply

    Ylova,

    I see Lane in this. She will enjoy this,I am confident, in saying. Thanks for entering.
    Joe


  • trekkergirl
    March 3

    Edit | Reply
    wow this is sooo welll written. I like it that there were no room for flowers in his antiartic. Very good imagery here. Thanks for sharing this with us and thanks for entering it into this contest.


  • chloris
    March 2

    Edit | Reply

    dear ylova,

    you write beautiful poetry.

    i could not decide which line made me sigh more.

    you do sound like a Sylvia to me.

    keep your words alive.

    esha.

  • I adore this, especially the third stanza... such imagery hun.
    good luck
    Juls


  • This was just so incredible. I loved the ending, but it made me sad. This was amazing, bookmarking. All the best in the contest my love.

    Take care

  • Impressive!!!

    Wow, such amazing metaphor!! Best wishes to you in the contest!! Peace, xx Cyn

  • piggyback
    March 1

    Edit | Reply
    "I coughed up clouds that began to sweat" - wonderful, wonderful image.

    I loved the anatomy images in the next stanza, and the bit about the sun humiliating you.

    The last three lines... those are so good, I believe the poem could almost be as impactful with only those lines. It's so raw and painful. The imagery of those lines is even more vivid and intense than the rest, and I love the antithesis and the analogies.

    Lovely done. Thanks for your entry!

    p.s love the title. Plus it ties in nicely with the ending.


  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    February 28
    Edit | Reply
    Wow! Oh, this something very special this is, wow!

    Love,
    mj.

  • Rossetti
    February 28

    Edit | Reply
    Being a fan of both Ted Hughes and Sylvia Plath, I really appreciated this. The imagery has a real feel of Hughes about it, combined with some of Plath style bitterness. A wonderful poem. Well done!!! Chris


  • maralisa silver member
    February 28

    Edit | Reply
    a wonderful poem I love your imageryand depth throughout good luck in the contestmaralisa


  • Khyxe
    February 28

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful. <3 This surely deserves more comments than just two! *shakes fist at others who haven't commented*
    Imagery is fantastic and the imagination in this is amazing. x
    Khyxe


  • Cannonsfire
    February 28
    Edit | Reply
    Loved this from you C

1 - 22 of 22