Funeral

Laugh at your petty games,
I hate the way you pretend
that everything was ok
it wasn't ok.

I try to lift you up,
yet you crash back down
I wish I could live
with you by my side,
instead im wishing I had gone
to your funeral

What do you think? Anything I can work on?

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

By me, right now

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Guerrero
March 2
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i dont know how many times i have felt this.. . great write
- Walls-within
  March 2
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  thanks for your comment.
DelaneyDisaster
February 28

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Wow.. I don't even know what to say. I don't know whether to cry, or what. This is very powerful. I feel sadness. It's so great.. Very, very nice job. It's short, but it's one of the best poem's I've read in awhile.
- Walls-within
  February 28
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  Thank you for your comment. I am glad you liked it
FallingRainDrop
February 28

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i like this alot. i love "I try to life you up, yet you crash back down" thats a really powerful line. keep up the amazing work hun! :]