Dear Blackbear Cont. (2/21/09)

    There is so much I still don't understand about you. I was wrong to say that I did the night we watched the airport light while less than a mile away my grandfather took his own life. You cried with frusteration and turmoil and anger. It's too often I misunderstand you and so therefore can't soothe what must be your broken heart. My inadequacies account for my of our furture.
    She understands you. She never dissappoints you, always knows the inside jokes to cheer you up, keeps your company while I struggle to juggle my own life. Truly, I am sinfully green with envy of her. If I could write you notes every da, wake up on your shoulder, and call just to say hi trust me I would. But do I want to be her? No. How awful she must feel about herself to know that your heart is stuck on me. I can't even imagine a fraction of the pain.
    My pain is sharing you with your other friend, Mary Jane. Your tempting mistress is never very far from you and your friendship has deep roots stemming from the aforementioned inconquerable pain. Personally, she and I have an understanding of our sad relationship. I use her to get close to you, to try to understand your love for her, to forget that I compete with her for your attention and tender affection.
    I need you. It's as simple as that. I need to be reminded frequently that your not using me or that are just trying to apologize for the damage you caused last year. I'm afraid that I'll still lose you...

                                                                                All My Everlasting Love,
                                                                                      Madison