Kids Having Kids

In that thank-god-finally silence of the evening
When baby’s in bed, and boyfriend’s at work
I am left with fleeting memories of what once was
And sometimes it really fucking gets to me
And tears are rolling down my cheeks
And I’m sitting here helplessly selfish
Mourning something worthless but lost just the same

And I soak in self pity of all the days that disappeared
The friends that had to go away
And the substances that went with
The freedom, the solitude, the romanticism of my
Sad, drug-ridden, fucked up, kind-of existence
Is gone but I’m still here

Trapped in this stage of in-between
Rebellious, self-absorbed teenager
And responsible parent and adult

I’m ashamed to admit I’ve sat here
And cried in a sopping mess on this couch
Obsessing over long lost lovers
And doing lines and lines of blow with my friends
And flirting with the limits of life and death
With not one care in the world
God, wouldn’t that be nice again…

Well the bills are piling up and the cabinets right now are bare
And fuck, obviously I have better things to worry about
But sometimes I just want a second or two
To depress over myself like I used to
To stare at the bottom of an empty vodka bottle
And weep for all things lost forever like I used to
To hide alone and replay Bright Eyes songs
And feel the music in my bones like I used to
All I want is to just get a chance
To feel like me, like I used to
Because I have lost all sense of self

Maybe I just don’t like what I’ve become…