come back my fawn,
why did you go so soon
you suckled this kiss from my lips
all too soon...
come back my fawn
don't fade so quick
into the fog
don't die out
so fast,
my dove
Come back.
Come back my fawn....
A contest entry
- come back, come back, my fawn! by cough drop creek.
900 points, ended May 25, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments and Critque Welcomed Warmly! =]]
Comments
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I love the title, because I love fog.
in the third line, I think "only" could be removed.
and the "my dove" could have a line break before it so it would read more like
"into the fog/don't die out/ so fast
my dove/come back
come back my fawn"
I think just those few minor alterations improve the whole piece. -
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thank you, i think it did too
I'm always looking for people to help me improve my writings!
your comment was greatly appreciated~
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