Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Slack3ning h0ld on the 8ulwark of Re@l!ty

Grasping blind and screaming

At neutral passersby while

Being dragged posthaste

In the opposite direction...

 

Hearing soothing slander from

The lips of liquid honeyed salesmen

As the ground takes my shell away with it

As it runs from my teething soul

 

Gnawing raw at the fixtures of

What the majority looks at as reality

Clearly isn't beneficial to ones

Overall well being in general

 

 

Unless you ask the spectators

Awaiting the new arrival eagerly

On the other side of the spectrum...

 

Now the veil is splitting

And with it goes my frail

Perception of a mind

 

 

Fine mesh grit webbing tears apart

The last strands of me before

I can be known to those

Who know not themselves

 

Together again for the first time

We rejoice in the final achievement

Of our newly found reunion

And the Whole formed anew

 

Inside out remains congruently scattered

Are entrails of memories yet to process

From scalene beginnings the respite 

Blinks into a faux golden silence

 

Clear cut shrines shatter with resonance

Created by a collective of harmonious prayer

Disciples of blessed unrest decide to wake up

Perturbing the slumber of deities unknown

 

 

They lick the walls of their domain

To get their bearings before

Crashing one another's party

 

And so the gods not worshiped

Wage a war of unremitting innocence

On the unwitting behind the curtain

 

 

Silhouettes are all the poor and

Unsuspecting masses see

Whose perfect figure minds shall remain

Untouched and unsullied by

 

The demon of my undoing

Who yearns to sick his coveted

Carrion grubbed claws on others who

Seek the truth unseen before them

 

 

I was one of them

I looked into the sun

And the purity consumed me

 

That is the way of perfection

It can't exist in a flawed state

The unworthy vessle is obliterated

 

 

So life is sacred imperfection

Held to the light we shine refracted

Look inside for the blockage

For there trapped is your light

 

You hold it within you

Only by virtue of your

Sacred and hallowed

Imperfections

 

So take note

And worship

What makes

You yourself

 

 

The life within

Resounds with

The collective

Natural flaw

Of being

Alive

Author notes

.....

I'm as insane as always, thanks for asking... Feeling great!

A contest entry

Reaction..... Anything?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

  • 77

    Title: 4/10
    Originality: 9/10
    Emotion: 7/10
    Grammar/Spelling: 9/10
    Flow/Structure: 8/10
    Imagery: 7/10
    Overall Use of Poetic Devices: 7/10
    Reaction: 8/10
    Rules: 10/10
    Overall: 8/10
    Totaling: 77/100

    The title in itself lacked. It made me hesitant to click on this poem. Your vocabulary is great and I really liked your word choice. I felt however, that your imagery lacked because of your lack of poetic devices. I want to be able to see. This to me felt more show then tell. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.

    Josh

    • Thanks for your honest critique, it's always nice to see what people have to say about a poem, and it's not often you get a decent critical review... So thank you for your time, honesty, and response to my work!

      Peace,
      hypnorocker

  • zomg reading this while listening to kate bush gave me such a creepy overall impression. why are you able to use such original imagery without sounding forced??? it's not faaaaiiiiirrr. your vocabulary is something moste magnificent. "Clear cut shrines shatter with resonance/Created by a collective of harmonious prayer" ...this makes me very happy...