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cracked;

she stands in the sunlight;
warm yellow photons reflect off of paperthin flesh
and just miss reaching her heart.

she reminds me oddly of a cracked marble statue,
surface wounds and minor imperfections
only serving to make her more beautiful,
more precious;
but she sees the scars in her moon-pale skin
and she cries that she'll never be good enough for anyone.

her tears are those of a broken goddess
torn down too many times to believe it's safe to stand anymore;
she keeps them in a little bottle
to remind herself of all that she's lost.

her one true flaw?



she'll never know she's beautiful.

Author notes

Thought your column looked a bit thin.
MY FIRST GOLD TROPHY EVERR!! Thank you so much!!!

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 34 of 34

  • sgking123
    November 8

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    sun photons...an intricate observation and cracked marble statue was an imagery par excellence..do you mind if I draw from you and use it some place?


    • AllThatRemains
      November 9
      Edit | Reply
      Draw away. I'm a fanfic writer; it's not my place to go RAWR at borrowing. XD
      Thank you!!


  • lonestar silver member
    November 7

    Edit | Reply
    A wonderful write. You pen your emotions beautifully, and it's so true of most people. They see themselves not of how others see them, but how they conceive themselves to be, an illusion, of sorts.

    Thanx and Blessings!

    ~steve~


  • crivanea silver member
    August 28

    Edit | Reply
    ahhh..those words!! so well worded..you pace this poem well..and I find myself reading to the end...nicely done poet


  • CaliOkie silver member
    July 1
    Edit | Reply
    This is so vivid and well written. Excellent. Well deserved gold.

    Garrison


  • metal4ever
    June 5
    Edit | Reply
    this really is great stuff, congrats on ur first gold, you deserved it


  • Blueisacolour
    May 7

    Edit | Reply
    'paperthin flesh'

    Are you for real?! SO GOOD!

    I'll be reading more of your stuff for sure!
    =D


  • youhadme-athello.
    May 3

    Edit | Reply
    warm yellow photons reflect off of paperthin flesh
    and just miss reaching her heart.

    her tears are those of a broken goddess
    torn down too many times to believe it's safe to stand anymore;

    the ending is spectacular.
    i love it so much.


  • Floorboards
    April 6

    Edit | Reply
    I thought this was pretty good, nice images and emotion, thanks a lot for entering my contest and good luck to you.

    Floorboards.


  • stepbystep
    March 30

    Edit | Reply
    ahhhh, i LOVE LOVE LOVE this poem! (:
    you truley are an amazing poet.
    the flow is brilliant and the choice of words is astounding.
    congrats, you got my full attention.
    (:


  • Bean Sidhe silver member
    March 20

    Edit | Reply
    First of all, congratulations on your first gold trophy! That makes this poem special already. The message in this work is subtle and lovely. It could have very easily gone cliche but you kept it from going that far by using your words well & keeping the poem length short and sweet.

    You have a nice way of working with your wording, tossing in unusual words like photons always works for me as a judge because it gives a level of intelligence to the poem.

    I would consider cutting the fifth line in two - perhaps after "imperfections", only because it seems to ramble a touch the way it is currently written.

    But otherwise, I'd say this is a fine piece of poetry! Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest!

    -Beán Sidħe


    • AllThatRemains
      March 20
      Edit | Reply
      Everywhere I tried to split it, it made it seem broken, which to me is worse than rambling... but I could try that, yeah. Thank you!


  • The Reapers Angel
    March 14
    Edit | Reply
    oops, forgot these


  • The Reapers Angel
    March 14

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, very nice.
    I love this a lot, it flows very well, and the imagery and emotion in this poem are beautiful.
    Good job gettin the gold, you deserved it.

    ~Angel


  • August Starlight silver member
    March 12

    Edit | Reply
    This is amazing.. loved your imagery and word choice. I also really like how you ended the poem. THank you for entering and good luck.

  • Judith Chandler
    March 8

    Edit | Reply
    Any poem entitled "cracked" is one I just have to read. I like the image of the tears in the bottle. I think a lot of us are taught to resist the idea of our own beauty because it might make us conceited.

    Enjoyed your write, great imagery.


    • AllThatRemains
      March 8
      Edit | Reply
      Indeed. But the creature of whom this particular thingie speaks takes the idea of resisting the acknowledgement of one's own worth/beauty/whatnot to an entirely new level. Sigh...
      Thank you!


  • Rhythm Child
    March 1
    Edit | Reply
    beautiful
    please join the group


  • broken-colours
    February 27

    Edit | Reply
    aww...
    *pauses for a moment*
    aww...

    this was so sweet! and poetic! and poetically sweet! and I don't know how else to describe it...

    but thank you. very much.
    love you, sis.
    <3

1 - 34 of 34