My healing tears
Although I shed my tears the day you died,
I knew I must be strong for everyone.
A mother’s love is true and so, I cried
at last. The tears began to flow, my Son.
Sat in my chair, I read my poems to you.
At service held for you on that hot day,
our friends had come to show their love was true,
though hearts were sad, for you had gone away.
At last, the dam it broke for me tonight.
It’s almost been two years… It had to come.
The healing tears flowed forth as though they might
not stop. I felt you near and heard “Oh Mum.”
I am not sad now that the healings done.
I let you go at last, with love my Son.
28th February 1968-23rd-25th August 2006
Aged 38
Written 30th May 2008
Posted 28th February 2009
Author notes
Today would have been Brian’s 41st Birthday, I’m not writing a new poem
I am posting one I wrote last year as it shows how when I thought I had
Come to terms with his death, there was still some healing I needed to do.
I am at peace now (no more tears) knowing that Brian is where he needed to be.
I just want to wish him a very happy birthday and I know everyone will be gathered around him and he’ll be having a rip roaring time where he is. I hope he invited
Hugh’s twin daughters who share their birthday on Feb 29th but celebrated it on
Feb 28th.except on a leap year The three of you will live forever in our hearts.
So, Happy Birthday Brian from Mum and Dad, his Sisters and Brother, nieces and nephews and his many friends.
In a list
Believe me, I am not sad
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Dear Angelica
We're meant to die before our children but I believe when it doesn't happens that way they become our angels and are always with us, getting those parking spots, making sure that plastic bottle on the top shelf misses our head and gets our big toe (imagine them laughing). Yes, always there, no matter what. I feel my angels all around me and I am very happy, at peace. Lots of love, Petratani. xo -
cycles and spirals
Your poem strikes a chord in me. I have found the same issues coming up again and again in new settings. Each time I thought I had squared away all the thoughts and feelings, but in his wisdom, God reset the question to point to unfinished work. It seems like each time it is the same problem, but at a higher level, taking into account the work done already. Grief is a great opportunity to delve and reconstruct one's inner being. It is very hard to do, but we come out better for it.
This has been a rough time for you, and you have weathered it gracefully.
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Very true my friend
Dear Sweetpea, quite true, when you think you've got yourself in control wham! It comes back and hits you in the face, I thought I'd done all my crying but obviously not and as I cried I felt Brian comforting me and when I was spent I sat at the computer and wrote this poem. I know there will still be times when I'll feel low but knowing Brian is happy where he is helps me a lot. I don't think a parent ever gets over the loss of a child no matter how old they are, but I am fine now. Thank you for the lovely comment.
Love Joan
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Reaching out with a big hug
accompanied by love
to let you know
we care.
M-C
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Thank you M-C, an amazing thing happened tonight, we had a text message from Brian's mate from kindergarten days to meet him and his wife and daughter for dinner to celebrate Brian's Birthday. The other night I asked Brian to give me a physical sign that he would be there, Bob and I couldn't believe our eyes when we saw Wayne, it was like looking at Brian, the only difference was that Waynes goatee beard and hair were shorter than Brians and lighter,even their hairline is the same. We hadn't seen Wayne and Jennie since their wedding last March and he was clean shaven then. Bob and I couldn't take our eyes off Wayne and we both made the remark how alike they were as we walked home, you would take them as brothers. So I got my sign that Brian was there. We had a lovely evening with them.And I am very happy.
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Oh, Joan. What a wonderful thing to happen.
Got goosebumps reading your tale.
I can just imagine how exciting to see the friend,
bringing back such strong images to you.
Truly a sign!!!
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Yes, signs ARE very important, just like Guy has to learn in your story.
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It's been a year. I'm pretty sure I read one that you wrote last year. I am sorry Angelica. I know you are in a good place with it all, but still, I know there's a hurt.
But a lovely poem and I am sure he enjoyed hearing you read it to him.
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Yes Yem, the time has gone fast, it'll be three years in August, how time does fly, you might be interested in my comment to M-C, but beware, it may give you chills up your spine.
There will always be times when sadness creeps in, but I know he's happy and when I go to bed at night I can feel him stroking my hair, his way of saying sleep well Mum.
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Dear Bea,
Amongst the many things we've come to share
this special day for both of us each year
will never cease to be a fount of memory
for losses that we both have had to bear.
Yet, though this day for us, is tinged with sadness,
we celebrate those lives with thankful gladness
for what they lived and that they lived at all
until they should return at God's recall.
With love and hugs, XXX Hugh.
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Yes Hugh, this is a special day you and I both share, even on a leap year as they are so close. We do share a lot of similarities throughout our lifetime that has formed a special bond between us.
Love Bea
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