Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Love spell the re-write (Rondel)

To the green Goddess she would pray,
the love too strong for her to control.
Eternal love, devotion her only goal,
she will cast a spell so he wont stray.

He will be hers tomorrow if not today,
pink candles lit at the top of the knoll.
To the green Goddess she would pray,
the love too strong for her to control.

The moon rises full, no time to delay,
dressed in red robe as befitting the role.
knife caresses palm, willing to sell her soul,
she dances a deadly dangerous ballet;
to the green Goddess she would pray.



Author notes

Love you Tory.

Griswold

Background Free for AP use.
Border set at 250

Being the rebel I am I just had to take a free verse poem and force it into a rhyming form.
My object was to try to keep as much of his poems ideas as possible and fit it to form.
I really liked the spiders on the hip line but I just couldnt fit it within the rhyme scheme.
Let me know what you think...scott


Rondel

A French form consisting of 13 lines: two quatrains and a quintet, rhyming as follows:
ABba abAB abbaA. The capital letters are the refrains, or repeats.

Prompt used: http://allpoetry.com/poem/4918275

This is the original poem written by Heroesrox

Love Spell

To the Green Goddess,
She prayed.
Her love was to strong for her to control,
And she had to have him.
Lighting the candles,
Pink in tint,
Symbolic of love,
The love that pours from her bleeding heart,
The love for him only.
She had to have him.
So, a spell was made.
Incantations read on the marble floor,
As spiders crawled over the curves of her hips.
He would be hers.
If not tonight,
Then tomorrow.
Cares shed, out the window with tears,
The spell was woven.
Donning her red robe,
Perfect for the love she had,
The ashen girl sliced her hand...
With a devilish grin,
the girl smiled and spoke,
"A little blood in the mixture..."



In a list

A contest entry

Was it worth posting?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 14 of 14
  • Good work within the form. Somehow it seems more compelling to me in rhyme and with a driving rhythm that moved me.


  • aanika
    February 28

    Edit | Reply
    she dances a deadly dangerous ballet;
    to the green Goddess she would pray.

    'deadly dangerous ballet' ... i love that
    very nice write.


  • Ameterasu
    February 27

    Edit | Reply
    well i wanted to seem like a smart ass and say that i could do with a soul-less body...but after thinking some more it could work...as fantasy fills whats unreal...whats all spice...and only one have the power to bring it all back...with a kiss...to a sleeping beauty


  • Sudo Nimh silver member
    February 27
    Edit | Reply
    ..if she sells her soul, what will she give him?..


    • Griswold gold member
      February 27
      Edit | Reply
      That seems to be the catch doesnt it?

      • Sudo Nimh silver member
        February 27
        Edit | Reply
        ..the infantile demand for the immediacy of love...a familiar tale for those of us long grown who have learned through time that love will choose its hour to bloom.

        this poem reminded me of a young wiccan that i once knew...sweet girl.

  • Ameterasu
    February 27
    Edit | Reply
    i liked it...
    allot of red for me to handle...all in a spell so familiar as sin and addiction...they say sudective...they say love...but all i could see is desire red...caught in a web or maybe it seems...like when i say that i`m not he...and i mark it with all that whats true...666 forevermore...


  • EllisBell
    February 27
    Edit | Reply

    gorgeous

    i love this poem!! feel free to make over my stuff!


  • PassionsPromise gold member
    February 27
    Edit | Reply
    Good luck to you.

    love
    Passions


  • Clovis...Curious silver member
    February 27

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    A very fine write, indeed. Imagery; rhythm and rhyme are just fine. Thanks for sharing this one with us.


  • Heroesrox
    February 27
    Edit | Reply
    I love your re-write of my piece! Thanks so much for entering! Good luck to you!


  • poet2angels gold member
    February 27

    Edit | Reply
    The rebel thing worked!
    This is amazing...
    Beautiful and sensual Rondel and the free verse version was lovely as well but this just has that extra beauty of the sound of alliteration and rhyme flowing here so well...
    Congrats on a wonderful piece
    Lynda


  • liltulip gold member
    February 27

    Edit | Reply

    wonderful!

    i love the form, i love the rewrite, good luck in the contest, and thank you for sharing your talent with us!


  • abybaby
    February 27

    Edit | Reply
    the rewrite is a better version wt u wrote previously
    love the last lines

    The moon rises full, no time to delay,
    dressed in red robe as befitting the role.
    knife caresses palm, willing to sell her soul,
    she dances a deadly dangerous ballet;
    to the green Goddess she would pray.

    good work done here
    cheers

    abybaby

1 - 14 of 14