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Contained

I seek safety in your shadow
hiding in the alcove of your heart
where you can kiss
the searing flesh of my wounds
cool the branding guilt of my hands
hold me close and still
to protect me ---
            from myself

I seek solace in the curves
of your soothing words
your voice carved rough and deep
with a canyon of worry
containing my escapist spirit
within its warm, sunny walls
to keep me where I belong ---
              with you

Author notes

Hahaha.... notes? Yeah right... keep dreaming....

Please tell me what you really think. Criticism welcomed.

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Comments

1 - 26 of 26

  • Sesheta
    May 26

    Edit | Reply
    My dreams swirl around such a relationship. Truly, my greatest desire is...exactly what you spell out here. To the T. Nothing more to add. B-e-a-u-tiful!


  • PerVirtuous
    March 12

    Edit | Reply
    This thought is as a death, which cannot choose
    but weep to have that which it fears to lose.

    -Billy Shakespeare

    The age old conundrum of "where can I go from here but down?" It matters not! You have been there, which means you know how and can always find your way back.


  • stepbystep
    March 6
    Edit | Reply

    wow,

    this was amazing.
    truely,
    great job!

  • You're a natural writer...have to say, some of the best writing i've seen on here. flawless metaphors


  • Miete71
    March 2

    Edit | Reply

    I Really really like it

    It somewhat says how I feel about some girl I really like and how like when I see her my thoughts of hate and suicide go away

  • i believe you did a great job stringing the two stanza's together and you draw out emotion in your write (your very good at that) you also really good at adding depth to your write
    so when it comes to criticism i have none

    awesome write


  • swim.x
    February 28

    Edit | Reply
    Really really well written. Your imagery used was just great: 'hiding in the alcove of your heart'.
    That just hit home
    And I really liked how you ended both stanzas with a personal kind of thing. 'from myself' and 'with you' really juxtaposed nicely to make it quite an awesome love poem
    Chin up,
    Swim.x


  • usefuldistraction
    February 27

    Edit | Reply
    Several things stand out to me, "branding guilt" is an mamazing piece of imagery, and "curves of your soothing words" there is a nice tension in those two pieces of imagery, and the entire piece kind of hovers about them, between the difficult reality of needing/wanting someone to be there, ("seek" is used to open both stanzas), and both stanzas close with the writer very near that "safety" where there is sense of belonging! Lovely writing.

    • Auburn Sunrise gold member
      February 27
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for that amazing review! You really hammered the nail right on the head there - "the difficult rality of needing/wanting someone to be there"... it's almost a little scary how well you interpret my work, lol

      I'm so glad we're friends, though.


  • Amera gold member
    February 27

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful! I think what makes this love poem special is the original metaphor that you have used throughout the poem, it's descriptive and passionate. Good stuff here!

    Love,
    Amera♥


  • cubert
    February 27

    Edit | Reply
    I seek solace in the curves
    of your soothing words


    I like those lines very much.Sounds like something I'd write, too lolol.

    Lovely little piece!

    • Auburn Sunrise gold member
      February 27

      Edit | Reply
      You know... I hadn't thought of it like that... but it really does sound like something you'd write. It makes sense that youd have such a profound impact on my style though, as you're constantly in my thoughts.

      • cubert
        February 28
        Edit | Reply
        as you are in mine!

        were I not so humble (lolol), I'd have been stuck, unable to get my head through the door, years ago. I am constantly touched by your sweetness.

        C


  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    February 27

    Edit | Reply
    Niiice!

    Love you sis!


  • notorious
    February 27
    Edit | Reply
    "branding guilt"
    That feels like a tattoo.

    "canyon of worry"
    That's just...cool. Love the word 'canyon'.

    "escapist spirit"
    That is SO you...I'd say you generally write yourself exactly the way you imagine yourself to be (not that I could have a 100% accurate idea of what you imagine yourself to be, since I'm not you, but that's the vibe I get if that made the smallest ass of sense at all) - and 'escapist'...awesome.

    Insanely kick-ass phrases.

    ;
    Jessica

    • Auburn Sunrise gold member
      February 27
      Edit | Reply
      Haha... the way imagine myself to be? Not the way I actually appear to others?

      So how do I appear to you?

      Love your comments

      • notorious
        February 27

        Edit | Reply
        I definitely didn't mean anything very deep by that - just like, the way I think you write is exactly what you want to write with nothing preventing you from writing whatever you do (like sometimes I'm crept up the illogical fear that somebody I write about will Google their name and somehow find a poem written about them...yeah. Enough about that).

        You appear to me as a really, really nice person (indicative by the comments you leave me).


  • poeticweaver gold member
    February 26

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent!

    I really enjoy reading these images you put forth for us fans of yours! Just a peak inside your sweet soul. I appreciate you sharing, and shine on. Much love to you and yours forevermore~ Timothy aka poeticweaver~ x

  • amormejia
    February 26
    Edit | Reply
    Wow!! very deep poem. A pleassure to read your work.

1 - 26 of 26