If my wishes were but three
what would they to mermaids be?
One a maiden, one a crone,
the other woman to the bone.
If all of life were given me
could I express only three?
My first be selfish for in truth
I would ask the boon of youth
The strength of age by the clock
Not what time has on me wrought
Simply a life more like my peers’
Not the suffering of these past years
Yet in truth I take that back
It’s not so much lost years I lack
Rather move forward from this place
I wish to have a sustaining pace
My second choice a bit more wide
As take I the needs of others inside
Making them as if my own
Giving my heart to them a home
I wish for each that what they need
will come in good time, with Godspeed
Yet that is what in truth they have
So rather would I wish it a salve
Peace of heart and mind they could boast
Always there when needed most
My third wish more extensive still
As I look to serve all with my will
Each a part of our group has place
In the grand dance of our human race
Greater compassion and kindness expressed
Would see each and every, all of these blessed
The loving kindness of good will
--and if all my wishes were required for this--
This last would all my wishes fulfill
In a list
A contest entry
- We Mermaids Three , Three Wishes We Grant Thee by Draig aine.
2250 points, ended March 3, 2009, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - First Poem I Ever Wrote on AP by PerVirtuous.
900 points, ended August 23, 2009, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
All polite critical commentary welcome.
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
-
Excellent thoughts.
-
-
Thank you kindly.
-
-
Excellent deserving of bronze or better
-
-
Thank you.
-
-
WOW
Three perfect wishes indeed, my favorite would have to be:
My second choice a bit more wide
As take I the needs of others inside
Making them as if my own
Giving my heart to them a home
you must have a loving heart, these golden words you have penned are beautiful as is the rest of your poem...
congrats on the Bronze
-
-
Thank you, kind one. Yes, I believe I do have a loving heart. See:
? (lol)
I wrote a great line in a poem once, mayhap I will bring it over here and post it. Now, nobody steal this line before I can "mark" it as mine: "...the touching of hearts at one hundred paces..."
The best to you in all your creative endeavors. Poetry, friendships, life.
-
-
well done indeed
beautiful just stunning
Yet in truth I take that back
It’s not so much lost years I lack
Rather move forward from this place
I wish to have a sustaining pace -
-
Thank you, Draig aine, both for the Bronze and for pointing out what you liked about the poem.
-
-
you are most welcome
it was an inspired write, so happy you are here with us
-
-
-
Such a poem of compassion leaving self wishes behind and choosing the greater good. Beautiful sentiments! Beautiful!
-
-
In truth, I was trying to convey (at the end) that the greater good includes me, albiet in a less personal way. Thank you for your feedback and the Bronze.
-
-
This is beautiful. I love the way you seemed to be working through your choice of wish as you were writing. This allowed the reader to see an option for a wish that many might make, and then show an even better option. The message that you bring with the last wish and the way you end the poem is lovely. Thank you for sharing!!
-
-
Thank you for the compliments and for your perception--"allowed the reader to see an option...then show an even better option." I feel *seen* / *understood* as a poet by this.
-
-
You've made it very easy to be "seen/understood."
-
-
-
I loved the use of rhyme to convey the wishes of your heart. It flowed so nicely, almost as if you were thinking it through as you wrote ("yet in truth I take that back").
Lovely wishes!
KW~
-
-
Lol!
You noticed... I WAS thinking it through as I wrote it! This is one of those that flowed out of me almost fully formed, and I liked it so well I just polished it up. Love it when that happens! Thank you for your compliments; they warm my heart. I'll be by soon to return the favor of a review.
-
-
In truth, this seems pressed and ready as is...
I liked the way it opens, like the wishes expressed and the summary of all three at the end acknowledging that world peace is the greatest
thing a soul could hope for. "Tweaking" seems to
have been accomplished. Two or three times, I did return to a line and reread but that was due to my own style of wording. Each line reflects a certain style and did not seemed forced. Blue
-
-
Thank you, that helped. I think I shall leave it stand as is for contest purposes. I shall be by to return the favor of a review for you soon.
-
-
Good work
I agree, Great poem good message, love the imagery and the thoughts behind it.. (QQ) There were no errors. No typos and nothing to change as far as i can see. I look forward to your next one. But if you don’t return the favor I will never Review you again.
-
-
Thank you for your feedback. Ahh... is that a gauntlet I see? Be careful what you ask for, I am taking off my gloves and picking up my pen... (lol)
-
-
Beautiful wishes. Lovely flow and nice rhyme. I love rhyme done well. Best of luck in this contest. I loved the thought in this one. ~Pamela
-
-
Thank you for the feedback. Now that it's posted, I see a few possible tweaks already... lol! ...and I made them.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 22 of 22
