My lady awaits.
And I stand ready, patient and prepared
To serve her every need
From bath to bed to wake of day
In evening's dark or noon sun's warmth
At passing mood or bold desire I am hers -- I stand ready.
Her gentle grip envelops me
And guides me on her path of bliss
Thru honey'd lips and moist embrace
Of gentle folds with short trimmed fuzz
Then on to tongue, to taste,
And back again, exploring deeper -- We dance.
No needy place escapes my touch
No hidden thought beyond my reach
To plunge, to fill, to soothe,
Whatever passion she desires
And so fulfill her wishes
Be it soft as cool spring mist
In gardens filled with fragrant flowers
I free her gentle shivers
Now, onward still to greater heights
And depths within her scarlet nest
The world shrinks down to just us two
And I ensure she reaches deep
To touch the trigger when she calls
Upon her rising femininity
Where head and heart and groin combine
To march in joyous unison
Toward the urgent, building swell
Of tensions deep and moist and strong
Til thunder with it's pounding strikes
Let loose her shrieking fountains grand
And wrench her arch backed body
We rest.
Moistness dries, breathing eases
Smiles remain, memories wander -- Time to tidy up.
So, until another day,
I stand ready, patient and prepared
To serve her every need
My lady awaits
Upon me
Author notes
Entry for Erotic Challenge, Season 9, Round 1
The challenge: erotica from the point of view of a sex toy.
All feedback appreciated!
Comments
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I think that you did a great job with your challenge, the only thing that this write really needs is some punctuation. The lack of punctuation and beginning every line with a capital letter has really taken away some of this.
**Master Ktulu** -
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Interesting. I've been critiqued for excess punctuation and not capitalizing my lines.
Casting about the All Poetry front page Spotlight section, I see:
- On The Telescopic Moon - http://allpoetry.com/opoem/show/121084
which relies heavily on semicolons to break the meter and each line is capitalized,
- Keep An Open Mind (H.M.) - http://allpoetry.com/poem/5091963
which leads it's stanzas with capitals and punctuates them as in sentences, and
- A Simple Formula - http://allpoetry.com/poem/5063511
which goes even further than the previous by punctuating and breaking up some stanzas with sentence structures.
Looking elsewhere:
- Nightmares by Tattboyspet - http://allpoetry.com/poem/4542709
which includes meter/structure appropriate punctuation but not an ending period,
- Candlelit Desires by yourself - http://allpoetry.com/poem/4331301
which is written and punctuated as rhythmic prose, and
- Mirror, Mirror (a Gold winner) http://allpoetry.com/poem/653976
which is light on punctuation and mixes capitalization to suit structure.
Well, OK then. You want capitalized stanza leads only and ending periods or other break marks, I can do that. Is that what you're after, or am I missing the point here?
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My Lady Awaits - atomicmagoo
spelling/grammar/punctuation
Spelling throughout was off. Punctuation was almost non-existent and each line started with a capital because of the lack of same.
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Spelling throughout? I'll agree that "Thru honey'd" and "Til" don't pass spell check, but what else?
Grammar? Specify please.
Punctuation -- see above. -
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Yes, that is what I meant when I said spelling was off throughout, however I didn't see the point of actually typing "Thru should've been through while honey'd could've been better stated as honeyed and Til would've worked better if it read Until" - my fault, I guess I was just being lazy! Sorry!
Grammar - I said nothing about your grammar
Punctuation - yes, I am aware that the capital letter was the preferred method many moons ago, but as the world has changed, so has poetry and in my opinion this write would've been much better had it been punctuated properly. Personally I feel that the only format that can get away with it is maybe a sonnet or something similar (but then again I'm no professional at poetry!)
You have stated that one of my dark writes 'includes meter/structure appropriate punctuation but not an ending period,' - please note that this write is not an entry in this the Erotic Challenge.
You have placed a few links for us to have a look at (up and above mine) with comments such as:
"which relies heavily on semicolons to break the meter and each line is capitalized,
which leads it's stanzas with capitals and punctuates them as in sentences, and
which goes even further than the previous by punctuating and breaking up some stanzas with sentence structures."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but are these all entries in the Erotic Challenge? If so, I am almost certain you will find that the critique includes starting every line with a capital and there would've DEFINITELY been a suggestion as to what sort of punctuation was missing.
There are times in your write where there are 7 lines that have no punctuation in them ergo my feeling is that there is not even a sentence structure here.
I do apologize if you were offended by my comment, but take it as constructive. Besides, these are merely MY feelings on this write and to tell the truth, I didn't have enough of a deep breath to read the write in its entirety without feeling light-headed
Please feel free to query my opinions again and I will gladly explain why I give the comments I give
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Excellent! Beautiful imagery and definitely heating the room up. Impressive in the fact that you have not given away which sex toy it is, so it leaves the reader to imagine their own toy. Well done and your score will be sent to the challenge host.
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Heated indeed without making what is a perfectly natural act seem sordid.
My one grip is the use of the word 'Thru' that jarred me a little as I personally don't like it - but its my taste so I have not deducted points for that.
Jem
Your score has been sent to the challenge host.
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Thank you for the comment!
For me, "Through" seems more of a blip than "Thru" in proper context. As I'm a bit dyslexic, the extra characters are a speed bump and add no clarity or grace to the meter. Through vs thorough vs trough, for example. I always want to "read" "through" as pronounced "th rogg" or something...
Then again, I'm not going to subsitute Ruff for Rough anytime soon! ;-) -
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OK thanks for telling me. The English language is full of these delights, and as I said its personal taste so not something I will use against anyone. It is worth bearing in mind that publishers will want the correct words as I am finding out.
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That was very hot! Descriptive, but still leaves enough to the imagination that the reader can substitute their own ideas as subtext. Very enjoyable!
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you took your prompt and ran away with it. this was really a great write and i enjoyed reading it from the first word to the last.
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is it possible for a toy to be romantic, for that is the slant I get when reading your words... think you have done it justice, can imagine some going all hard core with that prompt, so bravo... wish you luck
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This was a great take on the prompt. Loved it. Loved the rhythm and everything about it basically. Exceptional and oh so hot.
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this was hot. lol thanks for the comment on mine. good luck to u as well!
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Pant pant pant I don't know who I want to be more... "The toy or the toy owner" Hehehe This is a stunning take on the prompt you brought life and personality to an inatimate object... Or did it need bateries first Hehehe. Great take on the prompt
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