Lying on the floor,
Cold, crispy granite floor.
I felt lifeless - wondering if I was still alive
sometimes I would go too far.
Breaking some skin;
Blood proved to me I was alive.
But now, Lying on this lifeless floor
I screamed for mercy at your feet.
I screamed so silently that I wondered -
How could you not see me dying?
Than as swiftly as a gentle breeze,
She wrapped her arms around my waist.
She'll never let me go - my only friend.
And together we forced it;
all the evil to disappear
and flushed it down the toilet.
So alive again -
I thanked her and told her to
never leave me alone for so long again.
Next time,
I'll surely be dead.
Author notes
I have no idea what I think of this poem... probably needs an intense amount of work. feh.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I agree with Prozac, it seems a little vague, but I think that actually adds to its power. Well done.
(And if you truly do wish to read something of mine, I don't really care what you pick. Lol.) -
I think it's a little vague...or abstract, I think the use of 'it' throws the poem off a little, but other than that, it's a good write for the subject you're writing on. I thought there was a contest about this going on...maybe you could enter it. Best of luck to you! BTW, could you read and comment on: http://allpoetry.com/poem/5098455
Thanks!
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perfect
I don't feel as if this one needs any work at all. You have T totally hit the nail on the head. Great imagery. I do wish you all the luck in the contest
_______________POETDONTKNOWIT_____________
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which contest?
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good descriptions on a powerful topic.. good job
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