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Discarded Orgasms

This day drags on – no end in sight.
The only sound that constant “drip” that never hides my need.
It punctuates sensual memories
of that perfect goddess, that curvy, wanton sprite.
The only one that turns dreams into steam.

Those dreams of lust, of need,
of obsession with my seed
that pulsates inside the womb
of your fertile, receptive form.

We need to merge again, to share that space only lovers do.

Take a hold of me, twist my wiry nubs.
Feel how hard they are for you?
Do you see the first drop of life
drip,
  drip,
    drip,
      drip drip drip …
Do you feel each drop before it turns into a stream,
a scalding stream of perverse delight.

Take a hold of me and feel.

Touch my porcelain skin with the perfection of each limb,
feel the heat rise slowly as my essence envelops each sigh.
My life force slowly invades each pore as your legs part.
Ever.
    So.
        Slightly.

Your warm welcome is torture.
We both know you must leave.
You always get your fill of my steamy kisses,
you always moan as I thrust inside you
first slow, then more insistently.

As the heat grows and your flesh blushes
with the shared arousal
of our nightly love
your head falls back.
Your core clenches tightly
to keep the scented drops
of my gift of life,
my gift of post-orgasmic glow,
deep inside those slippery walls
guarded inside your skin.

Alas our time must end so soon
As you get up, stretch, leave my embrace.
Our juices flow towards that place
where discarded orgasms live.
Our warmth dissipates.
The air clears.

All you hear is that constant “drip” that punctuates my need.
Come back, my love, cum back.

Author notes

I had to write a poem from the point of view of a bathtub, so I hope you can see it. Hope you enjoy it as this is for the first round of the erotic challenge.

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 21 of 21

  • Jaded Lily gold member
    March 22, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    You got me again! I forgot reading this one and I swear this does not sound anything like a bathtub that I've been in! Hot stuff lady! I always enjoy your work and look forward to reading more!
    Brava!
    Lily ♥


  • Master Ktulu silver member
    March 2, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    I think you have started off strong with this. I see no errors. Very good job Gaia...

    Welcome back!

    **Master Ktulu**


  • Tattboyspet
    March 1, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Discarded Orgasms - tanzanite
    spelling/grammar/punctuation
    'you head falls back' - should it not be 'your'?
    presentation/creativity
    the effect of the dripping was different - well done!


    • tanzanite
      March 2, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      It is "your" in the poem not "you". I did not edit it either - thanks for the comment.


  • Sylvyrwyng gold member
    February 28, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Whew!! Once again you have taken us deep into the viewpoint and I will not look at my tub again in the same way for looooooong time! Stunning imagery and wonderfully suggestion so tastefully done.

    Your score will be sent to the challenge host.


  • Treasure 5 gold member
    February 28, 2009

    Edit | Reply

    awsome

    THis is a wonderful write, This is what love is all about. I love the detail and the flow . Leo 2 send me your link, he told me to let you no. It was a pleasure.


  • Corvus Corone
    February 28, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    This good, hot and erotic. You have used a pretty cliche prompt and done a good job. Presentation is a little bit chaotic for my liking. The flow seemed a little tight in places maybe as a result of not being entirely happy with the prompt it does effect how we write.

    Well done

    Jem

    Your score has been sent to the challenge host


  • Happy3
    February 27, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    Very delightful indeed!
    excellent!
    I liked your 'scented drops', baby! Very sweet!

    • tanzanite
      February 28, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      Well thank you ... bubble bath can be scented and so can ... well ...


  • shimmer
    February 27, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    WOW, who will ever look at their tub in the same light again? as usual you did a wonderful job and giving the promp you had to use, you really out did yourself. I'm rooting for you even though you make me tremble knowing that you can write like no other.


    • tanzanite
      February 28, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      Dearest Shimmer, you should read the one that was written two seasons ago on this very prompt. The winner of that challenge (the name escapes me), had this same prompt and she did a great job. It was really hard to find something new to say after her piece, but I think I managed to do that. You made me blush darling. You are a great writer yourself.


  • Nom de Plume
    February 27, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    well, think I am going to go run a bath quick smart. excellent effort on what I consider one of the hardest prompts given in this round... good luck

    • tanzanite
      February 28, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      Well thank you friend. Hope that bath was good.


  • BluesMan gold member
    February 27, 2009

    Edit | Reply

    This was most definately a very hot and steamy take on the prompt, but i think you could have taken it a lot further...

    Example:
    The creamy skin of your dairy-air kisses
    the porcelain skin of my head
    legs spread and hovering
    below my phallic spigot of desire
    you turn the dials releasing
    the pressured heat of liquid euphoria

    It comes crashing down
    on your throbbing mound
    in an explosion of...
    enraptured multiple orgasm's
    you lay paralyzed in pleasure
    nearly drowning....
    as the tub slowly fills!

     

    It is still a very good take on the promp

    Bill




    • tanzanite
      February 28, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      You made this bath even hotter ... well done. Yes, I probably could have gone further but the inspiration was hiding so this was the best I could do. Sure wish it was a collab though because then it would have been super hot.

      Thanks for the comment.


  • Jaded Lily gold member
    February 27, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    A BATHTUB???? WHEW!! I'd love to take a bath in that tub lady! You had me on the edge of my seat from the first word and almost spilled my hot chocolate in the middle of the piece. OY! This is one steamy write and if this is how you take a bath, I need a new shower or something! lol I loved it from beginning to end. It had your style all over it. I couldn't improve on this if I tried.
    Brava!

    Lily ♥


    • tanzanite
      February 28, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      Dearest Lily - thank you. I am so happy you were ummmm touched by this. I am very glad you did not spill that hot chocolate!


  • leo2
    February 27, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Whoa.. Lady! Every word captured my imagination and stoked the fiery furnace of love. The best thing about those discarded orgasms is that they are recycleable.

    Sincerely,
    Leo Long


    • tanzanite
      February 28, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      Hhahahahahaha - yes they are. Wonderful comment my friend. Thank you for making me laugh.


  • Peteskid gold member
    February 26, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    so creative, imaginative...thoughtful and lovely...i enjoyed...PK


    • tanzanite
      February 28, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      Dear PK

      After a long silence on my part yours is the first name to appear and I thank you. Thank you for this well thought out compliment. Hugs to you.

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