Words spoken in desperation, duplicity, fear
like a spider's egg sac opened,
scatter to the wind,
take on a life of their own.
Building hidden webs
ensnaring the innocent wandering too close
Falsehoods birthed in regretful moments,
soon out of our control,
spiral away to entangle the speaker.
A spark leading to a wildfire
wreaking havoc in lives of many.
To try to reclaim authority,
a futile effort.
One propagates many,
too many to count.
The body count rises
with no end in sight.
Words become alive,
their character determined by their speaker,
like a rouge terrorist cell
bringing death to all they touch.
Powerful beings given life so easily,
become a taskmaster,
not so easily escaped.
Caution is required
when catastrophe looms
within the mouth.
Author notes
POM - 2-26-09
This piece speaks of how a lie takes on a life of it's own, how it is soon out of our control and you can't take back what is spoken and the damage it can cause.
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - POM - by Bear by Arkbear.
1800 points, ended February 28, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
Hello & welcome to POM!
Interesting title, definitely an eye catcher ~ and seeing your theme, it makes sense.
Your various metaphors are interesting, but wildfires and spider webs are commonplace when talking about lies...The "rouge terrorist cell" was a unique approach!
Some of the phrasing seemed a bit off to me, hindering the flow, and the mix of metaphors seems a little extreme in nature & lost me at times. The closing stanza sums up the theme nicely, especially the last 3 lines.
Thank you & best wishes in POM! My scores will be in the final comments. Please remember, no editing until after final judging.
~ Tim -
Welcome to the POM.
I would click on this title - would tweak my curiousity...lol..so, nice job on choosing a title that will draw in a reader.
Your theme is not that unique - but you've done it nicely, with your own touches.
The flow, for me, was hindered mainly by lines that were too long to 'fit' - but after the contest, that is easily edited.
What images you have are good - but in places, this read like prose, more 'telling' than 'showing'....still not too bad, I've sure seen worse!
All in all, this was a nice entry.
My scores will be turned in. Best wishes in this contest.
Remember: no editing once a judge has commented.
-
Hello -
New Para#..>>> Building hidden webs......>>>>>no need to cram all of that thought into one S*
*soon.....COMMA....out of our control.....*
Slooooow me down Kathryn....I don't want to be rushed through what I believe is going to be a Great Tone -
CAP, *Speaker*....you used it twice as a Direct Noun -
*to a wildfire....COMMA.....wrecking havoc in lives of many *
*To try to reclaim.....yikes!!! Just say....Trying to reclaim.....*
*terrorist cell.....COMMA.....*
Sloooow me down please
Using *easily* twice so close together is not something I recommend -
*within THE mouth???....or.....THIS, mouth?
Over-all....you have once again shown me your tallent......the main problem I had with this write, was/is, your pun.c's and Flow...........your METS are creative and used sparingly and wisely -
Onloy a few of your L's tend to drag on....but over-all, I think, this might score pretty well....no promises, so let's see....and you also have other Judges coming behind me.....no editing your workl once a Judge has touched your work ~
God bless & good luck!
Bear ~
Title 9.3....had me curious..yes, I would click on it just to find out what it was about -
Flow 9.65....great Flow....your word choices created the Tone and made for good reading ....just remember to sloooow me down so I can absorb all of this great writing
-Depth 9.75.. depth is okay...a tad wordy though -
Theme 6.75....a nice Theme ....have seen this done quite a few times....especially on AP -
Feelings 5.5...lacking feeling considerably -
Grammar 9.95.. nice grammatical choices...gave a lot of Power & Impact to your write -
Presentation 9.45....I believe, your L's are a tad long, and leaves me needing bigger lungs to get through some of your L's -
Uncommonness...7.55...Ouch!...however...creative in your approach gets you from 5.55 to 7.55 -
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.70...I did ponder....but only briefly -
Ability to follow Rules 10.0..so, I guess your Theme is...*how a lie takes on a life of its' own*.....just bemore specific nect time....no deduction here.....perfect....nice job
-Bears Score: 87.6 ....hmmmm -
I have seen much more from your quill....time to break out the *Creativity Quill of yours again
No editing once a Judge has touched your work !
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