Dripping from her tomb the sodden rain
derides the snow-white flowers on her wreath,
and inundates my helpmate's new domain.
Her weary headstone sags while underneath
the busy worms begin to do their part,
and gnaw the wasted remnants of my heart.
Soul-mate, partner, lover, friend,
will you console me when I end
this sentence of confinement here?
God took you first, and now I fear
the empty nights exiled from life,
lost and alone without my wife.
A contest entry
- Just Rhyme by shewalksintomine.
1200 points, ended March 10, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Contest 2 of Suffering and Pain. Loss by MichaelSavage.
625 points, ended March 20, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I'm Crazy....but OH WELL!!! PREWRITE CONTEST!!!! by Kathraina.
575 points, ended April 18, 296 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want poems about grief here by trekkergirl.
400 points, ended May 19, 80 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Wow this was a great write... loved the ending very much... life without your wife... excellent. Kinda got me when you spoke about the worms doing their duty... but then thats a fact they do. But still yuck an image I could do without if you know what I mean. thanks for sharing this with us.
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This was really good. I enjoyed this piece. It flowed well and the rhyme seemed natural and not forced whatsoever. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
Josh
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great
This is a wonderful write. Your words expressed well the grief of loosing your beloved wife. Add yur skill with metaphor made this a pleasure to read.
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Lovely job on this piece.
I love the simplicity and tender words.
Bravo!!!
♥ Kate -
Very touching. Excellent job. Good luck.
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Heart-wrenching. This pain is beautifully penned.
Thanks for entering and best of luck to you. -
Great poem. I think that it accurately describes the "Griever's" heart. Awesome poem. Thanks for sharing.
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Wow the beautiful yearning in this equisite verse must be that of a true poets heart for his beloved excellent write
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it is so beautiful....
and i know what its like to walk without your partner...you've brought that all back to me....and i think you
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this is positively heartbreaking. beautiful work!
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Love the form here, the change of tact in the closing stanza. Loved the emotion it evoked as I read it, whether the subject matter is true or not.
And good easy flowing rhyme too.
Wishes -Emmjay
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Poignant and wistful. Very sad my friend!
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I love good rhyme and meter, and the topic of the poem suits this form, allows a little emotional distance. The feeling of love and loss is palpable, directly through words and indirectly through images such as the contrast in the first stanza with a bridal wreath, and the 'weary headstone sags'.
Best of luck in the contest.
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Excellently done...
This is a wonderful piece so filled with empathy and just as touching too. You crafted a well-thoughout write filled with rhyme and melancholy. A marvelous story on display here. Best wishes in the contest.
AsIThink...
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Losing your love...one of the saddest things of all. Thank you for entering my contest. Good luck to you. Please refrain from rating or replying to any comment made by me or my lovely and wonderful cojudge(s).
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beautiful piece on what i am sure is a very difficult subject. well done and well crafted. fantastic write. i do not have any criticism.
-deadly -
great
loved it
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