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oh, snow. you're everything but humility
rushing by with a temptestuous tranquility
scoffing submission to snow scoop and shovel
sending us shuffling to shanty and hovel
tremors down the spine and suffusive ice
mocks our persistant efforts to proselytize
facetious faceted hexagonal prisms
conspiring to conjure up cataclysms
your warmth and osmosis will amend
the twenty hour reign is now at an end
you leave in a pique as green shutes peek through
but return in a flurry before we miss you
A contest entry
- You never know.... by Cyanide Dreams.
1640 points, ended May 12, 2009, 74 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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75
Title: 8/10
Originality: 7/10
Emotion: 6/10
Grammar/Spelling: 7/10
Flow/Structure: 8/10
Imagery: 7/10
Overall Use of Poetic Devices: 7/10
Reaction: 7/10
Rules: 10/10
Overall: 8/10
Totaling: 75/100
This was nicely done. I really like how this flowed well and the rhyme was really good. Your word choice was quite nice as well. However, I felt that this could be more elaborated on. The use of more metaphors and imagery would be nice in this. You have ap pretty good structure and idea here, but I felt this was more tell than show. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
Josh
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Very good write. i like your choice of words
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Ahhh...there are words now...and what delightful words they are that grace the page. 'Tis as if you have taken the snow in your hand and blown it onto the page. A graceful write, nice use of language and a fine ending to finish off. Well done...alby
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amazing alliterative achievement but bemuses baffled beholder.
Actually there are some great thoughts and phrases here, my favourite being the final couplet for both its poetic dexterity and scientific accuracy.
Good work
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I feel the 'snowy goodness' all the time, considering where I live. Imagery was awesome. You know how to make an impression.
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A nice 'period' piece! Lol
Thinking outside the square here...infact I think you've left the square waaaay behind! Lol. Great idea, immaculate grammar and spelling, faultless infact! Well done...alby
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