Tick-Tock

I sat in silence for what seemed like hours,
No movement,
No noise,
Just the sound of my thoughts,
And the clocks'
Tick-Tock,
Tick-Tock
Tick-Tock.

I thought of every who knew me,
But not the real me,
The me I put on for public,
The one that says "Life is wonderful.",
"I have everything going the way I want it.",
No,
Not the real me.

I Began to remember the one time I ever let someone in that close,
Close enough to see the real me,
The me that wants to stay home and cuddle,
Rather than go to a fancy resteraunt and a movie,
The me that doesnt care how she looks on the outside,
The me that just wants to be held and loved,
Yes,
The real me.

I remember when we first met,
His smile,
His brown eyes,
His tan coffee-stained T-shirt,
For the first time,
I had let someone see the real me.

At first,
I was all he wanted,
All that mattered to him,
And then,
Something changed,
HE changed,
Wanting me to change right along with him.

But I refused,
I had liked who I was,
I liked who he was,
But it wasnt good enough for him,
And box by box he was gone.

But when he lefted,
He seemed to pack up my life right along with him,
Everything I ever wanted,
Everything I ever worked hard for,
Everything I was,
Leaving me with nothing,
Nothing but pain,
Regret,
Hatred,
Sorrow,
And lonliness,
The worst pain of all.

I had no one,
No family,
No friends,
No pets for God sakes,
Just unlovable,
Unlikable,
Me.

I stood up to look out the window,
Looking at all the people who had lives,
Had something to live for,
While I had nothing.

I looked around the empty room,
The clocks' Tick-Tock tocking driving me insane,
I stood up on the window ledge wondering,
"Could someone ever love the real me?",
"Or am I really that much of a failure to life itself?",
"Am I really that unlovable?",
I guess I'll never know.

I took a step forward on the ledge,
Listening to clocks' faint ticking,
I looked around the silenced room one last time,
Then down the side of the building,
On the last sound of the clocks' Tick-Tock,
Tick-Tock,
Tick---,
I jumped.