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......Dying to self......

You kill yourself
in many ways
but may be lucky
to get reborn

rise up again
like the pheonix
leaving behind ashes
wonderment
a single tear

Dying to Self

29 words

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • Rose Of Black
    March 3

    Edit | Reply
    I like this. Yeah your metaphores are definatly improveing. If your seeking to improve it further though I think I'd put a few more conjuctions within it? For instance

    "rise up again
    like the pheonix
    leaving behind the ashes,
    The wonderment
    Within a single tear..."

    Just to make it fit better and flow nicely?


    I'm sorry I don't comment as many poems as you do for me. I do my best though to make an effort for you =]