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Still Breathing

So cold I can see my breath
But at least I know I'm still breathing
Love on my arms hurts
But at least I know I'm still feeling
I watch the world falling apart
But at least I know I'm seeing
I hear you say you don't love me anymore
But at least I know you once did
My screams crack the silence
But at least I know I can make sound
You hush me, for nothing will change
But at least I know you can still hear me
So cold I can see my breath
But at least I know I'm still breathing

Author notes

e x p l a i n . e v e r y t h i n g 

 

Kayla Stowell, 16

A contest entry

What did you think?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Night Terrors
    May 11, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    wow i really loved this it was so amazing.



    The Positives:

    great emotion and an almost but not quite up beat out look. I really liked that

    Room For Improvement:
    Nothing I can see you did wonderful



    My Favorite Part:
    I hear you say you don't love me anymore
    But at least I know you once did
    My screams crack the silence
    But at least I know I can make sound
    You hush me, for nothing will change
    But at least I know you can still hear me
    So cold I can see my breath
    But at least I know I'm still breathing


    So very powerful I loved this from start to finish
    Overall:

    I give this an 8/10 you did great. I hope to see you in my future contests thanks so much for entering.

    ~*~Apathetic Poison~*~


  • socialstar gold member
    April 17, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    this isn't bad at all. you've already made the finalist list so there's no points for this, I apologize for not realizing you had more in there. But thanks for giving me extra to read. Kah


  • perfectsunset
    April 11, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Very nicely written.
    Wonderfully expressed
    emotions in this.

    Thanks for entering & best of luck


  • ItaloEtkin
    April 8, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    very genuine emotion here...

    good luck


  • LucyLightning
    April 6, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    I reaaaally enjoyed that last line.
    Twas my faaavorite.

    Goood write, indeed.


  • AliceinPoetryLand gold member
    April 4, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    This is such a heartbreaking poem so full of emotion.
    Thank you so much for this entry.
    A good poem
    Gaylene


  • fantome errant
    March 17, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    I love how this connects with the senses and i'm thankful you didn't say this one was a "piece of crap" cause it's certainly not.

    great work, keep writing.

1 - 7 of 7