I stand so tall, the stirring of a new season
My existence, my blossoming plenum
Little leaves, fruits in the making
A sparkle, everything ready for taking
I am so filled, just look at my might
Standing proud, standing upright
I give you cool, I grant you respite
Autumn for a heart, soon it will be early night
I am my cover, all falling to the ground
Hovering, absence of sound
Losing my cloak of autumn velour
Emptiness regretted, but I will endure
I am naked, bare but every tear dry
Look up at me, but do not blink an eye
Discover my branches, bare but still whole
Vulnerable, but what you see here is my soul
Waking up, freed the sleep that you induced
Uplifting myself, with new life perfused
My winter is past, I out-seasoned you
New life for me, for it is your winter, that I outgrew
A contest entry
- ~ Shattered Heart? -- Time to Pick up the Pieces!! ~ by Still Standing.
2000 points, ended June 22, 34 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Won't Be Beaten Down by TheDayTimeStopped.
525 points, ended March 28, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~Anniversary Contest~ by Bean Sidhe.
900 points, ended April 17, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write me something about the seasons by trekkergirls bank.
400 points, ended June 9, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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wow this one definitely deserves all the trophies that it has won. You have done a good job with it. Thanks for sharing this with us and thanks for entering it into this contest.
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Initially, I will admit that I was put off by the rhyme. It was interesting that it wasn't used in any consistency throughout the piece - causing me to stumble when reading aloud (which is typically how I read my contest entries to get a verbalized feel for flow).
Having said so, there is some beautiful imagery wrapped within the rhyme. My favorite line by a country mile is:
"Losing my cloak of autumn velour"
I would have liked to have seen a bit more in the way of punctuation because I feel like it adds, when used correctly, punch and panache to a poem. However, I am intrigued with your application of the changing seasons to a rebirth of yourself as a person. Lovely idea!
Thank you for your entry in my contest and good luck!
-Bean -
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Thank you so much for this elaborate comment. The rhyme was done in real true rhyme.. if you are American, you pronounciation might be different from the enligsh, making the rhyming seem odd
I am now writing a lot in freeverse, and find it to be much better, my words roam free now Thanks again
Lilian
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This is very good. I like it. I love the symbolism of the seasons as to your life and different people. Great write. Good luck in my constest.
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Wow this was brilliant.
Excellent initiative put into this write..
very original & beautifully descriptive.
Best of luck & thanks for entering
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Excellent
I rarely try to write the word "Excellent" when referring to writes on AP since we are all still learning and growing, but there is no other word in the English language to describe this. The way you used the seasons and the nature images as a description of your own lifes transition was very creative and wonderful! I love the part:
I am naked, bare but every tear dry
Look up at me, but do not blink an eye
Discover my branches, bare but still whole
Vulnerable, but what you see here is my soul
Reminds me of myself in a lot of ways Still Standing
I felt that deep down in my own soul, what a wonderful pen who have! thanks so much for the entery and good luck
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