Black polished nails tear satin,
alley cats purr and ooze lust
for the femme fatale crawls from
chandelier houses to the stage.
Queen bitch in fishnet dreams,
dominatrix in armored bodice,
smile all thorns and ivy,
she slips her cat-o-nine-tails
Through a trumpet gale, classy cue,
slick, marble polished silhouette appears;
the orchestra man with beat in his hands,
lean piano frame with laughs in his hat.
Vanilla suit, musk intoxicating cent,
he leans on his cane, witty cavalier,
man of the hour, euphoria incarnated,
rhythm and blues with whiskey.
Misery and joy sweep the dance floor,
thongs coil and sting in staccato hits,
perfumed handkerchiefs tease and flirt.
Amidst all a checkered harlequin sways,
whips bruise his skin,
white silk mends his wounds
all alone, yet bound in a tango for three.
Author notes
In case I don't make sense at all, my three elements are joy - the white suited man, misery - the vixen femme fatale and the human as a complex quilt of both - the checkered harlequin. I do hope this makes sense. I wrote it while listening to some cabaret songs from Chicago.
A contest entry
- Three Sides Of The Pyramid...Focus The Elements by Blue Rew.
2800 points, ended March 9, 2009, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
Wow. There is so much information in this poem and you have written so well to this contest prompt.
I loved:
thongs coil and sting in staccato hits ...
Nice alliteration and use of sound.
A lovely entry. Thank you so much. ~Pamela
-
"Amidst all, a checkered harlequin sways.
Whips bruise his skin,
white silk mends his wounds~
All alone, yet bound in a tango for three"...
Took some liberties with punctuating that stanza
which brilliantly concludes the scene. And what a stage! Your metaphors as props and the glide of colours for scenery. Each element here is painted in high-profile, each given its spotlight upon this
stage. I am glad of the notes, but would have loved to see what conclusion I may have drawn from this
without their direction.
A tiny tweak or two:
"the orchestra man with beat in his hands,
lean piano frame with laughs in his hat"
The double use of 'with' causes a falter in read.
"the orchestra man holding beat in his hands,"
might work better?
"musk intoxicating cent" should read scent?
This one brings the senses to play...
There is sound, colour, clashes and odor.
It truly is a spectacle wrought upon a page.
Thank-you for digging into the prompt with
a clever perspective. Blue
-
-
Thank you kindly. I will seek to the needed corrections in time. This one has given me trouble before settling for the cabaret.
-
Adding your comment:
