Why’d i choose these boots?
Where’d i get them?
i seem to prefer those with ones like mine
i assume that if you wear my brand, you understand?
Do they also have my mirror?
If it’s actually our mirror, do they SEE me?
our boots, our mirror, do they also stare past others,
Believing what’s true in shattered mercury?
There’s a wall in my basement
Plastered flesh has fallen cold, revealing
Brick bones, tidy rows beneath
i blow smoke rings at the designs, left behind
As i ponder on these things
If someone else is as alone as i
Then, am i so all alone?
i’ve got ashes on my boots, do they,
Even if we’re wearing the same kind?
Of course the social seek the social
And the loner seeks a ‘mime’
Perhaps, we’ll all meet together
At some trendy shoe store
In the mirror we’ll see each other
And these thoughts will truly rhyme?
Author notes
After reading the lonely, chaotic profile of a writer here i penned this. It almost has form. It almost has order. It almost has free verse. It almost has rhyme. Go look in your mirror, you'll see yourself and others you know. You'll see you almost have..., well, something. I left all pronouns in lower case. That's our reality.
A contest entry
- Pen Me Something - by Kari.
1350 points, ended February 27, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I really liked the lines
Of course the social seek the social
And the loner seeks a ‘mime’
This is poem is one that bends the mind a little, I like that!
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Reminds me of the great existential work;
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm schitzophrenic
And so am I...
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Robin, this is an astonishing poem! It almost has deep philosophical leanings. It almost has existential angst at its core. It almost has "Alice" going through the Looking Glass. Hold on! It DOES have all of those elements! lol What an unusual but fascinating metaphor that you used to express societal mores and how a person chooses to participate or not in the dance of life...the need to fit in or go along with the herd mentality, or choosing to be non-conformist, to stand out as an individual. At least, these are a couple of images that I perceived as I read the poem, and then so much more can be gleaned from the imagery. The words create a spiral of images and thoughts from a central point that encompass so many variations of a theme. I agree with NastyNickie, that "almost every line in your poem has the potential to be its own poem". Some great lines: "If it’s actually our mirror, do they SEE me?"; "Plastered flesh has fallen cold, revealing...Brick bones, tidy rows beneath"; "Of course the social seek the social
And the loner seeks a ‘mime’". Robin, I hope that I didn't fall into the "rabbit hole" and misinterpret what you meant to say.
Another great poem!
Linda
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You truely have a gift of pen, your material is raw and true. Almost every line in your poem has the potential to be it's own poem. It's something special when the writer has the ability to essentially render the reader stunned. I'm frozen to look at what i already know and put it to work in the context of this poem. It's beautiful yet confusing, delicate yet brutal. It is the reality of knowing something so familure. I love it ^.^
My favorite verse was "i’ve got ashes on my boots, do they,
Even if we’re wearing the same kind?
Of course the social seek the social
And the loner seeks a ‘mime’"
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Lol this was good!
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This is quite amazing, good job. I really really liked it. i do not really know what to say.
I especially liked
i blow smoke rings at the designs, left behind
As i ponder on these things
If someone else is as alone as i
Then, am i not so all alone?
That part was really quite excellent.
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I see you went with Hondo...a good choice. I'm wondering about the last line of the 5th stanza. Should this be "Then, am I so all alone?" I can't determine if you are asking if you are alone, or not alone. I assumed that it was not alone and if so, then maybe removing the "not" in the line would suffice. I think I know what you are trying to say, but it reads to me as saying that you ARE alone.
I love the contemplative tone and imagery. The loner seeks a mime....great line.
Well done.
Rory
ps, Hondo sounds better than Alberta Boot Co. haha
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I agree with removing 'not' as the semantics work better wihout it. I also made one other smal change regarding the mercury in the mirror. Sorry you went to all that boot work. I saw you had gotten offline as soon as i sent it. I trudge forward on google and decided on Hondo. Thanks for responding. Do you believe one of the brands you mentioned would make the title better? RC
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