I take quick, short drags on my dwindling cigarrette while we stare at eachother from across the black table resting outside of Mocha Motts, the coffee shop where we grew up drinking coffee, cuddling, and giggling. But today, those memories are pushed back farther than the ones of my kindergarten graduation, and I stare into your cold eyes filled with anything but emotion.
...
Supposedly you thought that I would never find out. That you could fool me into thinking that you really loved me, that I was the only one who would ever taste your smoke tainted lips. You were right for a while; and I believed you loved me. But then I woke up from the dream I was living and I came crashing down to that harsh thing called reality.
...
The day I saw you kiss her was the day I realized that I never meant anything to you, even though you mean everything to me.
"Love" is a lie, and so are you.
Author notes
4. Altered States: use one of the following quotes from the movie as your inspiration:
~~"He doesn't love me. He never loved me. I was never real to him. Nothing in the human experience is real to him."
cousin.. :]
my ap name: kaliedascope
the evil I wrote about is adultery.
1: prompt: make me hurt. make me feel, show me that true love isn't real.
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A contest entry
- Freedom.Love.Surrealism.Macabre- My brithday Contest by RechercheCadaver.
625 points, ended March 28, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Seeking an AP Family by geckogirl.
700 points, ended March 3, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - /B/r/e\a\k\ me into p.i.e.c.e.s, Im such a h-o-p-e-l-e-s-s case. by Silent Emotions.
900 points, ended February 25, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ---gold takes it all- - - by Xx.Toxic.xX.
1003 points, ended February 28, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - *for the witty and intelligent* by writebrain.
550 points, ended February 27, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Whatever by fairytalelovestory.
675 points, ended October 3, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - the list of evils by hks.
400 points, ended February 28, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - a prewritten contest for everyone by serenity silvermoon.
400 points, ended March 1, 148 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Just A Little Odd [group members only] by Kathraina.
785 points, ended March 2, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - the audition round. by stargazer..
800 points, ended May 21, 54 entries
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1050 points, ended April 2, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Current Events.... lol by MaddCuppyCake.
400 points, ended March 18, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what should i change?
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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WOOOW :O
i love the character change and the emotions in this! u've done an amazing job -
i really liked this, i felt like i couldn't read it fast enough but i needed to know what you were going to say next. very powerful.
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this was pretty I liked it good work...
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Some nice images, nice but very common in poetry. Thescenario is very common as well, but that's ok, it's a theme that is easy to relate to for most of us. I just wish it was developed further. A reflection that takes the write deeper, twists the knife deeper. Try taking it one step further, drown in the experience. What kind of images does it conjure up? See what I mean?
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Originality: (7/10)
Emotion: (8/10)
Poetic devices: (15/20)
Structure/flow: (8/10)
Cohension: (8/10)
Title relating to poem: (9/10)
Personal opinion: (7/10)
Syntax: (8/10)
Diction: (9/10)
Total:79/100
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You are so talented.... i hope the other group members enjoy this as much as I have.... I love the descriptive manner you use... everything seems so surreal......amazing!
huggsss
becca
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That you could fool me into thinking that you really loved me, that I was the only one who would ever taste your smoke tainted lips.
brilliant!!! loved it!
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Powerful write.
Strong words and intense imagery.
Bravo!
Thank you for entering and good luck
♥ Kate
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this was one of the better ones but im just not feeling it
:\
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"Love" is a lie, and so are you. loved this line
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really? thats the part i didnt like.
[interesting.]
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wow. this was a great write. i loved it. good luck in the contest.
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lies & deception can kill ones dreams.. thanks for sharing & entering my contest
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Wow. The imagery is incredible! This is so heart breaking.
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awesome piece...well done!!
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loved it!!!! you painted such a vivid picture!
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thank you..
:]
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