figure time lapsed enough for one moment
raced through days without hesitation
only circumstances worse than
my wretched soul, were recurring revelations
tasks taken percentage wise
his investments were greater than mine
easy to see who bread-winner was
other than the
usually mundane statues we had become
tainted and weather-torn, an open tarp, ripped
silken-scrim’s tear allows reality's light to
investigate the inevitable
down-sized and nearly
eliminated, seconds exhaled from
lack of insight
overwhelmed
out-weighed
kind of on the edge of believability
in case anyone asks
no one saw a thing
guess we weren't really paying attention
in and out, we gazed but only saw spectacles
nudged through looking glass that was not looking back
Author notes
Form - Acrostic
A contest entry
- "from the outside looking in" by JinSays.
1006 points, ended March 1, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Best Round 1 by Heavenly Angel.
575 points, ended April 7, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
critical comments please. THANKS!
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Superb
Crikey, I didn't realize this was an acrostic 'til the end, excellent! loved the tone and alliteration, a fine piece indeed. Well done and good luck!
Floorboards.
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First of all, let me say awesome acrostic!!
There are a number of times in my life where I've felt like being on the outside and looking in....
A VERY FINE piece
Thank you for sharing and for being part of this contest! -
Whew.
Renee, get outta my head already!
I will not pretend to not understand where this is inside myself, if that makes sense, just know you've done it once again. Brought my feelings and thoughts to life in such a clear way, I'm leaft to wonder just why it's so difficult for me to find a voice sometimes.
Flair of the artist, the glorious woman you are. . .shines through in this, and I thank you once again for making my contest.
Love,
jin
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cool
That's so neat. Great piece!
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Kind of describes me.
Here I am on the outside looking in again, oh well at least the seat did not get cold while I waited. This is and excellant accrostic.
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Did I ever tell you I hate Acrostics? but not for any reason evident here; for you written an 'awaking to the truth', lamenting poem true to its title that happens to be an Acrostic written correctly.
I very much like the consistency of your abstraction. I have not been reading you near as much as I should.
much love
ken
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I liked this kinda reminds me of all life. We assume but don't know as for others we are and usually are from the outside looking in.
MJ
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Life can change in the blink of an eye, or more quickly. The use of "scrim", the metaphors and allusion to tearing and ripping are so very powerful in this piece. Well done. Best of luck.
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Life has a way of laying it all out
we all have to see for ourself what really happened and was it all that way. Or was it a picture close to what we thought was life...mac -
Life has a way of laying it all out
we all have to see for ourself what really happened and was it all that way. Or was it a picture close to what we thought was life...mac
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Just stunning, Rene.
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Excellent Acrostic!
"From the Outside Looking In" is rather sad and poignant, for it wreaks of divorce not seen coming after so many years of marriage, pain not expected; yet the signs were there and everywhere had anyone been paying attention. I pray, dear Sistah, this is merely poetic license and not your reality.
Based on the contest theme, I feel you covered all the bases with this one worthy of GOLD!
Much luv & hugs, SisBon
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This to me speaks of a relationship that spans the years. Many times from the outside looking in it's perfection! Very well penned... I wonder what the other readers' takes will be on this one. You are amazing and talented. I always feel blessed to read your work.
Peace and Love
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recurring revelations - I love those two words. The whole financial situation we now find ourselves in are in some ways a repeat of the last time and the time before that, and the time before that. We just don't seem to learn do we.
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