I can smell the mold fill my nostrils,
as I walk through the door.
Her Great Grandfather in his rocking chair,
moving batk and forth.
"Hasn't he been changed again?" I whisper,
to the lowest decibel, incase her Grandma hears.
She smiles in that sickly manner, that caught my cheek
like a backhanded slap, to a misbehaving kid.
Upstairs we'd go--I'd avoid it as long as I could,
but it was always inevitable, just like Alaskan snow.
Bathroom door shut & my heartbeat races,
as each moment I try to detach myself from...
I couldn't understand this.
"Lets play the game we played last week," she giggles
unlike the child at innocent play, but such as the witch,
leering and jeering in my ear, provoking decay.
I'm on the floor, laying on the blanket,
we're playing the world game again;
we have a homebase, like Spyro, our safety net
& yet, we get sent into many different places.
Islands with sketeton silhouttes and carnal demons,
prepared to rape you whilst you slept & rip out your flesh.
This didn't even include the stories she'd tell me in the dark,
late at night infront of the fire--[nor the time she threatened me with it].
-----------
The metal bar across the back off my knees
& the side of my head, leaves me dizzy, saddened, angry;
she's telling me to do what she says, it does pay
& I guess she's right in a way.
Sitting in bed at night, laying next to her
as she refused to let me sleep alone.
Her fingers roam my young flesh, like hers...
Only a year older than I, but a year enough,
when she's as crazed as this one was.
In the bath, her hands washed my body,
no mistake I could brush my own brown curls out of my eyes,
but her infuriating stare kept these thoughts in my mind.
----------
Back in the bathroom, bandaids out -
put the plasters on my now moderately developed nipples
and short, smooth pubic hairs.
Pull. Right. Off.
I didn't shout, I wouldn't satisfy her fuel,
for in truth, my eyes watered beyond belief
& to this day I don't know my I didn't ever leave,
except fear kept me in my timid place.
--------------
Walked me into town--never been in there alone,
especially not at the impending night.
My visual impairement, made navigation non effective
& she led me to the uncomforting places,
telling me such things as "Across this bridge are paedophiles."
I only could guess what those filthy beasts were.
Until she tried to push me into a river.
---------------------------
Her uncle was unsettling; asked me over,
when she wasn't even there
& my gut instinct screamed no fiercely,
the most sensible thing I've ever done.
Months later, 3 Willy on, she just played a joke
by jumping up behind me, I hit her hard, natural reaction
then she wasn't laughing anymore.
Infuriated, moments later, after her jeers
& threats, I grabbed her by the cuff of her shirt,
throwing her body against the wall
then I ran downstairs.
-----------
Very few know the depths of what happened,
as more than that took place and without metaphor laced cyanide,
I couldn't possibly say.
You wouldn't understand those words, I'd cover up with
& I know I'd be convincing myself it wasn't real.
He knows, but he's just worse, a sick and sordid soul,
so do I know what it feels like to hurt, be taken advantage of?
Believe me, if you haven't got it now, you never will.
Honorable mention
Adding your comment:
some people obviously don't know what's right and wrong.
