My words, a thousand needle tears
My verse, an unrelenting heartache
Blood and sweat poured in raw prose
Forged into an innocent poem
And you didn't read a word (...didn't you?)
Ripped open veins to shed a tear
Poured open brains to please you
But never was I your friend
You overlooked me in the end
Because I wasn't on a list (...wasn't I?)
You didn't pick me...
You didn't pick me because
Your heart was a lump of coal
Your cancer spread over this haven
The tumor, your putrid soul
You just didn't read a word (...did you?)
Author notes
Meh.
A contest entry
- Vent your Frustrations. by Loki.
700 points, ended March 1, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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I think this was a beautifully written piece that truly showed the emotion in the words spoken. Sadly, we can't all be winners in life, but you would hope your words would be read and appreciated. Everyone has their story to tell and it all come through in the prose you write. This was a delight, sad, but delightful to the very end. I especially enjoyed the first couple of lines. It is always nice to know that someone has read your piece and commented on it for you. Congratulations on the silver trophy. Well deserved.
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Nicely done. I'll admit that I enjoyed the first part of this much more than the end for some reason. But I have been on the receiving side of this stick more than once and it is painful - particularly if you specifically write a new poem for the contest and it is still overlooked and under appreciated. Personally, I have had all kinds of poetry entered in my contests, some that I loved and some that I hated - but I tried to be kind to all the poets and took special care to offer comments on as many entries as possible so that even if the poem didn't win, it was apparent that I'd read and mulled over the piece. It's just consideration, in my opinion.
Nonetheless, this piece is very well done. Thank you for sharing. Good luck in the contest!
~Bean
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Sounds like the budding of a song. Well written. I enjoyed this. Thanks for entering and best of luck.
-Løki
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Whoa...
I really get this. The risk we take as poets is the risk of putting ourselves stripped and naked for the world to see. It sucks to feel like your soul is out there and no one takes heed, but don't let that stop you. Your emotion in this piece was gripping, a worthy contender!
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