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how chicago turns its sidewalks red

i.
chicago has a mouth that is colored
like the wheels of a motorcycle,
black and burnt,
and it's impossible to tell
whether she has spokes or stitches,
she just keeps smiling.


ii.
the snow is coming down hard,
and someone looks up
to see if anything is coming
for them.

meanwhile, the men that live
in boxes become the same
color until you don't even see them
against the asphault.
they go to visit
god, to see if his home
is warmer than
sharing a coffin.


iii.
they didn't know what she knew:
god has no sympathy
for anyone,
not sons, and especially not daughters.


iv.
god has needles for fingers,

and instead of stitching them
back together,
he licked his lips,
threw them into the fire
until they were ashes and ashes
and bones,
until he could scatter them down
onto her.


v.
someone looks up
to see if anything is coming
for them,
something good this time,
and they notice
that the snow isn't white, but umber,
sticking to the sidewalks.

chicago, she
looks up and wonders
where to go from here.







Author notes

i've had the title in my head for days and i finally wrote it.
it needs some serious edits so rip it please.

i believe the world, it spins for you...

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • etoile
    March 20

    Edit | Reply
    i love the second stanza in ii. and iv.
    those are amazing. the imagery and the actual poem itself is beautiful.
    i'd try to help you edit some stuff.. but i suck at editing, and i don't see anything that needs to be worked on. i think this is amazing

  • unraveled
    February 24

    Edit | Reply
    ok, my best shot at criticism is the few lines you repeat, "someone looks up to see if something is coming for them, something good this time" --is good when you repeated it but ends up sounding awkward because it's so impersonal; drop 2 of the 'some's out and it'll be a stunner.

    also, there's some excess 'and's that start sentences where i think it would be better off without, such as at the beginning of iv.

    the very end is a bit abrupt, it could be stronger to give one of those shivery feelings. the rest of it is good enough i'm not sure quite how to strengthen that, but i know you can do it

    it's still really good... haha sorry this is so long
    -cassidy


  • autarky
    February 24
    Edit | Reply
    HOLY FUCK

1 - 8 of 8