Just Life

Hmmm... Life.

Its Odd how your beliefs change when you look into different perspectives.

For a split second my outlook on the world changed & i could see through my eyes only.

It was explained to me how others feel...I began to understand.

To look through their eyes & see how they feel.

In a matter of minutes, a few weeks ago my outlook was limited.

As a matter of days ago i started to really see.

I opened my mind up so i could look through others eyes.

I risked the chance of more pain...But what i saw was not painful.

It was almost relieving, i guess you could say.

But there really wasnt any words for how i felt.

My pain dissapated slowly as i realized the emotions Others had around me.

I saw that they were hurting....also. Almost as much as i was.

Things started to fall into place & the way i thought before began to dissapear.

It is hard to feel normal...Hard to feel at peace.

Hard to feel content & happy.

To feel secure...But i have to let go of my constant paranoia that others dont feel like i do, that i am not the only one capable of truly loving, truly caring...

The most difficult thing for me is trust.

I know that I can be trusted but its hard to believe that those around me can be trusted as well.

My trust has been broken again and again, so many times now...

The pain of another broken trust is unbearable.

I was dead until i tried to see again, i looked through others eyes & i realized i could be alive again.

I didnt need to hide from love anymore...I know I dont need to hide from trust but it is the hardest thing i have ever tried to achieve.

For me once my trust is broken, it is broken forever.

I am making an exception because i do not want to be dead inside, i want to be me again.

I want to feel love & trust & emotion.

I want to feel alive!

I am ripping myself apart trying to feel these things again.

If thats what it takes, then this is what i have to do.

I have to swallow the agony & ignore The past.

I am letting my heart tell me what i need.

From all those that i have affected with my distantness & fake emotions, I am truly sorry.

Give me patience.

Believe me when i say something true & deep.

From now on, I am not faking.

I dont need to.

All i ask for is patience...