my anorexia

i had a claim on you
a hold so strong
a metal sledgehammer couldn't break it.

you were mine
something all my own
a creation of which i was proud
a person i could always rely on
to hate me.

i clung to you when everything else just
fell away
because you were there
to tell me to push harder
s t a r v e
  l    o      n g  er
live in more misery than anyone standing next to me
and you were mine;
my anorexia.

no one could take you away from me;
not the ones who loved you
not the ones paid to care
no one could pry you from my cold,
fragile,
strong-as-bone
fingers
because i had a claim on your sanity
and i fed off of it
because you fell for it.

you were my little experiment
how many days til you gave away
how much longer until you took a sip
from a cup of common sense?
i kept track,
i counted
the number of days til it drove you crazy
i counted
on you to do my bidding.

and you sat there counting calories
and adding numbers you needed to lose
when really,
all you were was a little confused.

you were mine
and i controlled you
when i could control nothing else.
you were all mine,
giving my brain some kind of dyslexia
but you were mine,
my beloved anorexia.