I watched the assembly of the painted face
matte then eyes, nose, and mouth, a garish
caricature of sadness, tenderness
in doubt, a doubtless pretense
white gloves completed the mask
and costume, I saw no more
until the stage became dark save a single spot
music softly began to play, and words from
a gravel throated raven of the deep south
began to call down the spirit as they knew
in troubled nights, in times when prayer
was not enough but it was all that they had;
and they prayed with fire on their minds
need upon their lips, for the balance weighed so heavy.
The mime bore the burden on his brow
and the prayer in his ernest hands;
comic-tear eyes became the vision to save a child...
the music and words went softer to fade
and the light on the stage went too...
but we all: those who opened eyes, removed their masks,
rocked to the music, raised hands to testify... or
just listened and watched with bridled joy;
still remember, the mime - the boy in the face paint-
who told us...so much about ourselves.
A contest entry
- Mimes by Yemassee.
653 points, ended February 23, 18 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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This is the social value of drama, to show our strengths and weaknesses and the needs around us. A good poem is drama too. Congratulations!
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For me, the beginning sparks my interest, not just for the subject but for the way it is written and expressd:
''I watched the assembly of the painted face
matte then eyes, nose, and mouth, a garish
caricature of sadness, tenderness
in doubt, a doubtless pretense''
The key word there (for me) being "garish."
It's a scene I am unfamiliar with, I'm sure it fits a region and a time. Probably rituals I am unfamiliar with. I googled de' Ror but with no success, with that French sound, I'm thinking Creole. At first i wondered about a minstrel show, but this has a religious element. I just know you have an interesting explanation for the setting.
The tone telling is excellent, controlled, well structured, all that which makes a narrative work.
Whatever the source, it seems to be about identity, and freeing oneself from shackles, though not physical ones.
Excellent PK
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Thank you Yem-
'de ror' is a place...was where i saw a performance that was the basis of this, and garish...was just meant as 'showy' or extreme here..., i think i wil add a note on the title... which i actually meant to change before posting this.
Thank you for your insights and thoughtful words... PK
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That is how I read "garish," as you said.
I like the name as the title.
But yes, add a note. I like notes.
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What a perfect take on the prompt. I felt like I was there. Excellent pk, like an unveiling. Loved the end.
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Thank you Rowan-
i think sometimes we are all like mimes, the real stuff is under a disguise making motions... PK
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Your poem makes me think of showing our true self. The end of a performance that is not more than a show we put to others and to ourselves.
The mime here was like a revelation, or the one to open the path to a revelation.
Very well done
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Thank you Mari-
Yes, a revelation.. and they can come in the most unlikely moments from places, people we don't expect...thanks for all... PK
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This is so evocative. I really like the way you build up the picture by adding layers of detail. The second stanza is particularly effective and the segway from the description of a character, from visual details to a place in the imagination.
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Thank you Andrew-
sometimes it is hard to write to contests themes...this one seemed to offer many ideas... thank you for your insights ...so very much appreciated...PK
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What a vivid scene on the stage of discovery you have created here and with such depth. There is so much more woven between the lines.
Though the stage lights dim, a brighter and different light shines in the eyes of the awakened, no longer behind their masks in silence.
A wonderful write
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Thanks Pixie--
I think the theme of this contest gives many ways to relate an ezperience, a lot of freedom to write...well done to you and Yem for that... PK -
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Thanks for your kind words PK.
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Well now, this is a delight I did not expect. A beautiful interpretation of the prompt. You brought the show too life for us, much like the singer and mime did for the audience here. The message is so poignant as to touching the commonalities of humanity, our troubles, our hopes against hope. You tell the story of a true artist... able to move others, and play that role yourself as well in these beautiful lines.
I'm not normally one to copy sections of poetry without specific comment, but this bit of description and mood setting was incredible done:
a gravel throated raven of the deep south
began to call down the spirit as they knew
in troubled nights, in times when prayer
was not enough but it was all that they had;
and they prayed with fire on their minds
need upon their lips, for the balance weighed so heavy
Beautiful.
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Thank you Ten-
Music can lift and carry us, and expression of things we can all feel...the lack of freedom, the need for justce.. make a powerful combination, ..Thank you so much for taking time and making considerable effort to express and share your thoughts...so much appreciated...PK
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