We are innocent until we understand
That we can kill.
The hour god is watching -
Telling secrets through his back hands,
Revealing in increments your monster.
I struggle to remember the terror in your eyes,
Given nothing...
And in these increments relieved of life.
Knowing now, a revelation
With grief as physical pain -
I stole my own innocence
When I remembered I could kill.
Author notes
The word 'increments' was used twice in close proximity. I know this. I did it on purpose. -_-
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Very strong. I love the precision in the tone of the speaker, the repetition of increments really adds to that sense. The speaker appears not so much regretful about taking their own innocence, but much colder and more calculating, like a truly terrifying person, a monster. There is no remorse in their voice. You've done a great job of creating this poem in the view of the monster that the speaker had become. Awesome poem, and it is great to read your work again, as well, Muriel! Welcome back!
~G~
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Thank you.
I am glad the feeling I was attempting to convey came across so strongly. Its good to be back.
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