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Pain in the Lies

It's taking all my willpower and strength
Not to lash out and hurt you
After all you've done to me
Those nights I sat up crying
I am the one being hurt
But why?
When you are the one who deserves it
What did I do?
I never hurt you
I've protected you
Covered up everything
Dropped lies so no one knows
I'm the one grieving
The one who can't fall asleep at night
The one who constantly fears you
Stays up wondering what will happen
Wondering why you are this way
I try hard to impress you
Try hard to please you
Yet all my efforts are useless
All that comes from them is pain
And it's your fault
People sense something's up
Yet I deny it
All for you
Though the question is why?
Why do I put up with this?
Why do I let you bring me down?
You've crushed all my hopes and dreams
Were never there when I needed you the most
I don't understand myself
I let you get to me
Let your lies go to my head
I will never know the reason why
I question it every day
It takes every ounce of my strength
Not to break down and cry
Right there in front of your eyes
Yet I can't let you see
How weak I really am when it comes to you
Rarely do me and weak go together
Yet in this sense these words fit
I can't hold my guard
Can't stop you from hurting me
I have no reasons
I always question why I lie to protect you
Why can't I just tell someone
Someone who can make the pain stop
Why do I cause myself to suffer
In the end this will probably be my demise
My mind seems to go
Otherwise why would I put up with the pain
Why would I let you tear me down
Crush my soul into pieces

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • voodoo ink Greeters member
    March 31

    Edit | Reply
    I know this one too well. My father was a minister in the public eye and an abusive husband behind closed doors, and we were all told to keep our mouths shut...I have so much anger inside me, after all these years from my childhood and what I witnessed...thank you for sharing this with us...


  • PoetBoy2008
    March 2

    Edit | Reply
    wow i'm so sorry B, this poem hurt even me, I can't imagine the pain ur going thru but i'll try to be there more for u. I love the poem tho it's amazing.


  • Shuberth
    February 24

    Edit | Reply
    is this poem u sad was about ur dad ?

    but i can sense the raw and and that your hurt in someway


  • Jeneralix
    February 22

    Edit | Reply
    You were right. And I'm sorry I haven't been there for you enough.
    Nice writing
    Loves you always


  • stargardt13
    February 22

    Edit | Reply
    This poem was incredibly sad. I relate to your emtions through this very well. Im very sorry your hurting so much. I understand how terrible pain can be. Your poem was very well written. thank you for sharing this with me and entering my conest.

1 - 5 of 5