A once softer woman with naive ignorance to life has
Been replaced by the demanding internal suffering of foolish choice.
Sparkling mischeif in my eyes has been snuffed,
Now only the smoldering stench of " I'm sorry " exsists.
Smile you say?
Of course! Plastic and strained but carefully created,
Hides the pathetic remnants of such a sorry, guilty woman.
Anger and pain disguises the guilt, the knowing, the awareness.
Fault 'lies' within.
Greener sights of the other side caused the events of tragedy...
Leaving children grieving for a father, tainting even the memories and desires of what was and what could've been.
Confident skilled hands cover the tracks with hues and bronzers.
Blending color with black, creating the determined mask of a foolish coward.
Follow the hard deep set lines surrounding the telling dullness of my eyes with carefull measure and surely the truth you'll find.
Pitiful excuses fail to charm me of my deserved burden,
Earning me my seat upon this slowly sinking ship.
A beating of reality absconded with the self satisfied lies,
Now it is just I, only me, no apologies accepted or heard as I pathetically drown in self induced regret.
Self respect replaced with a chemical indulgence repeatedly screeches " Truth hurts don't it! " in every mirrored image of self.
Blame it all on youth, childhood experiences, all of the all too common abuses but the hard cold reality stands lurking behind each pointed finger.
Like a neon bible it laughs at my exhausted tears pointing back at my own accountability.
From start to finish I have always known the difference between right and wrong.
The burden of blame lies within my selfish weakness.
Author notes
I am not sure if this is acceptable or what you are looking for but I am confident you'll be honest and let me know if I am off track so I can edit accordingly.
Thanks
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PS you are right, that guy is an ass. hehe.
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HAhahaha, yeah he is definately a charachter!
He did exactly what I said he'd do and cancell the contest so he could keep his points LOL... Pathetic.
Anyway, thank you for your comment and I will work on your suggestion ( Always up for a challenge J.K.).
Thank you again and I hope to produce something soon
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Do not beat yourself up.
This poem reminds me of a coversation with a female friend of mine who is the best Mother I have ever met and always gives herself a hard time about failing her kids etc. Like everyone she has her faults but everyone who meets her literally falls in love with her and her kids. (she had me in tears last night, and I am definitely not one for doing that usually). A very skillfully written poem though and you definitely have a talent, but you probably wont admit that either. Do me a favour please. Make a list of all of your good points and then develop that into a piece of poetry or prose then let me know when it's finished. I promise you it will be excellent. Love and respect from Jimmy(fatalfraud74).
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Well honesty is my weakness..
So here goes..
This is around the 10th poem in a row I have read in this comp and to be honest I am getting really otherwise but I will not take it out on such a fragile soul as yours...
I have been here for over a year and have suffered depression and high blood pressure for soem time...just wanted to qualify my response...
I am sick and tired of poets feeling sorry for themselves..looking into the mirror allows reflection, growth, forgiveness, love and most of all trust. You are so on the right/wrong track it is scarry....try another mirror!
Rule number 6!!!! look it up, google it under Ben Zander....you need to understand and live Rule number 6!
Thanks for the honesty..
sorry for mine
Simon
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Umm... can u say contradiction?
Honesty?
So delete the contest! I am sure your contest is not so detrimental to peoples lives that they will stop breathing.
You didn't ask that people look in the mirror and write what you want them to see.
You asked for honesty, if you feel the life is being sucked out of you then stop posting contests here, unless of course you are only do so for the thrill of being a pompous ass.
You claim that you are "so sick and tired of poets feeling sorry for themselves" well I have a simple solution for you! Stop reading the poems and stop asking for peoples honest assesments on such subjects.
Seems to me that you are only looking for a reason to be negative and as far as me being "a fragile soul"
I am anything but fragile!
I have survived and continue to survive things that would have killed a person who didn't posess the strength and determination that I do.
It seems your high blood pressure has morphed into self pity, something I do not suffer from.
I am sure you will continue to post contests asking people to put themselves out there for a few measly worthless points with the full intention of attempting to abuse and belittle the people but that says nothing about them and everything about the true self of YOU!
Suffering from depression is completely different from that of experiencing tragedies of gigantic proportions and I would suggest that before you label people with your uneducated medical/physcological definitions that you take your own advice and spend some time on google searching for answers.
Seriously if you didn't want an honest assesment then why would you ask... no 'dare' people to enter?
I know why!
You are bored and you are suffering from self pity yourself and so by posting the contest you are able to deflect from your own pathetic life and then claim that you are too disgusted to judge the contest so can keep you stupid points and talk smack to people.
Well, in my opinion your intention to hurt people only proves that you are indeed pathetic and a failure.
Better luck next time!
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Well written, this is another powerfull poem ripped from the heart, your poetry is magic, blessings with love John
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You need a hug!!!! Darlin this is just a out pour of honest, hard core emotion about one self. Yet I see one thing missing, and that is you need to forgive yourself before others can forigve you. I am sitting here in tears for what I read in this, love you my dear. You are who you are right or wrong, good or bad.....I would hope a world of lession learned and the reason you had to learn them so well is not to repeat. Love you.....Well done.
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LOL! Well I managed to write this without shedding even one tear, and then I read your comment LOL.
You seemed to hit the nail on the proverbial head.
Thank you for your comment and your insight.
Hugz
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