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.Play.it.like.you.mean.it.

Your excuses crawled up my ribcage
with dramatic slowness. Each finger
on your hand danced over the visual
palette of emotions displayed across
my waist. The high notes make me
smile; the low ones remind me of you.
[middle-ground is just a nice version of]
doubt.
Connect-the-dot feelings tighten my skin
with small bumps and you spell out
your thoughts in precise incoherence.
A heart fades down my hip. A chain-link
fence surrounds my arm. A thorned rose
occupies my ankle and instruments
dance from my collar bone to my
waist-line.
Artistic and symbolic. But leaves you
wondering if the canvas was worth the
art. In other words;
Was I worth your time?
The words print along my spine.
Your instuments print everywhere else.
But all those years of piano lessons
couldn't teach you to
make
up
your
mind.
♥

Author notes

It seems alot less random after you look at the picture.
http://imustbedead.deviantart.com/art/Morning-Sonata-113472764

Prompt #1- you also might want to look at the picture in the link^^.
(:

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 29 of 29

  • AutumnsFlame
    April 25

    Edit | Reply
    Very good! I liked this a lot. Especially the powerful ending. You put some excellent imagery into this as well and thank you for using good grammar!


  • xXGoddessofPainXx
    April 22

    Edit | Reply
    This is really an amazing piece, I like the end how you've put only one word per line.. It's an awesome piece full of great potential. Thanks for entering. Round 2 see you there soon.


  • Jade.Butterfly gold member
    April 16

    Edit | Reply

    WOW!

    This stunned me!
    Don't ask me why but i liked this ALOT!
    I don't know if it was the word choices or just the flow of it but something about it just made me fall in love with it ..Just wonderful!!
    good luck in contest and thanks for entering


  • madgirlslovesong
    April 11
    Edit | Reply
    Awesome.


  • MysteriousWhisper
    April 9

    Edit | Reply
    This is great. so many different things all put together to make something awesome. great job and good luck in the contest!

  • SapereAude11
    April 9

    Edit | Reply
    Solid. This should be a contender. I really like the "Middle-ground is just a version of doubt," turn of phrase. Lots of great combinations of words that I wouldn't think of.


  • Blue-Rose Beauty
    March 30
    Edit | Reply
    I like it, just not a winner. Thanks for entering!


  • DarkShard
    March 30

    Edit | Reply
    Woweeee! wonderful.
    ok I am going to definately put you in the finalists. becasue I think you have something in your writing that will capture me.
    so well done, it takes guts to put a poem so close to your heart infront of a judge and i respect your courage.

    if you get to the next round. I want you as a side not to work on your structure for a visual impact as well as your beautiful words. ok?
    well done.


  • whiterabbit.
    March 29

    Edit | Reply
    I really like this. I can see the talent in your way of writing. This poem really goes along with the picture. I love the ending to this. Great job & thanks for entering.
    xx


  • AngelsKissesJenna
    March 27

    Edit | Reply
    It was really good.
    Confusing at first
    yes but I looked
    at the picture and
    got it. Great write.
    Thanks for entering and good luck


  • Umi Juvariel
    March 25

    Edit | Reply
    Dirty/pretty in a good way. I liked this a lot. It was different and wonderful in it's difference. That really brought this poem home for me. Excellent write and good luck in my contest.


  • perfectsunset gold member
    March 24

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, I loved this.
    So deeply intense the feelings you
    have expressed, and it pains to
    feel this way.

    You have portrayed it beautifully.

    Thanks for entering & best of luck

  • perfectsunset gold member
    March 24
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, I loved this.
    So deeply intense the feelings you
    have expressed, and it pains to
    feel this way.

    You have portrayed it beautifully.

    Thanks for entering & best of luck


  • GC De Piazzi silver member
    March 18

    Edit | Reply
    Why do we waste time with those that hurt us? Maybe, to appreciate the good times and for the intense poetry they invoke! Well done, I enjoyed the read.


  • Bean Sidhe silver member
    March 18

    Edit | Reply
    Ohhh...this is a strong contender! I reviewed the pic AFTER reading & re-reading your poem & truthfully, I would tend to disagree with your author's notes. I think this piece is quite relevant even without the pic accompaniment.

    I love that this poem has a dirty pretty flavor, without necessarily intending it so. It comes together seamlessly and I found myself reading it more than once and enjoying it again and again. Not an easy feat when I have forty entries to read, and critique. So, good job on that note!

    I have to say that I would break it apart a little - maybe skip a line following "doubt" and again after "waist-line". And maybe even break "Was I worth your time?" to be a separate line altogether. Really just for dramatic intensity but that's just my own personal thoughts...

    My very favorite part of the whole poem is:

    "Connect-the-dot feelings tighten my skin
    with small bumps and you spell out
    your thoughts in precise incoherence."

    I can't even string together why, except that the words just seem married together so solidly and the imagery is perfect.

    Love it. Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest!

    -Beàn Sidħe


  • herrlurch
    March 13

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering my contest. I'm looking forward to the final judging round. Best of luck, Götz


  • August Starlight silver member
    March 11

    Edit | Reply
    I loved it even without looking at the picture. I read it first, then looked at it. It didn't even seem all that random, actually. Loved it. Good luck and thank you for entering the contest.


  • flight
    March 9

    Edit | Reply
    wow! i loved it! though i JUST realized that i forgot
    to close my contest to prewrites. i'm sorry
    but i want fresh writes, i really hope you come
    back and give me something as awesome as this!


    peace to all ~flight


  • Night Terrors
    March 6

    Edit | Reply
    OH wow!!! I love this! So creative so poetic bravo!! You are on the finalist list for certain! You did such a wonderful job here. I know the doubt you feel , but you can't question or you'll never truely feel love. I loved it !!!

    My favorite part was:

    Was I worth your time?
    The words print along my spine.
    Your instuments print everywhere else.
    But all those years of piano lessons
    couldn't teach you to
    make
    up
    your
    mind.
    ♥


  • serenity silvermoon
    March 4
    Edit | Reply
    sad love it thanks 4 sharing good luck


  • morgana raven Greeters member
    March 3

    Edit | Reply
    A thorned rose
    occurpies my ankle and instruments

    I believe in this line occurpies should be occupies?

    I like your words. You used them well with description and imagery, Thank you for entering.
    Laura.


  • jcat gold member
    February 27

    Edit | Reply
    This was so gorgeous....Your imagery reaches out and chokes the reader with a depth of emotion! Wonderful job and thank you for your entry

  • SuicideTree
    February 23

    Edit | Reply
    I love this poem. Very very well done. The first few lines are my favorite. Lots of kudos from me, great read!


  • written-in-ink
    February 22
    Edit | Reply
    oooo
    very nicely said
    i like it lots


  • written-in-ink
    February 22
    Edit | Reply
    done????

1 - 29 of 29