Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Everything is just right!




Deeds are not rated so great
Until they serve the purpose right
To achieve excellence is not a challenge
Don’t sport anymore to prove thyself true

Justice are made since the law was broken
You have enough time to judge His general orders
You consider yourself, at times, the king of kings
And act like the one who is born to win

Get rid of the mean thing, they call it vanity
Pride is always good, but not to reason it
Dimension beyond you think invites big falls
Never question the laws, they are made just to follow

He justifies his pride, to invite miseries
If he gets the job done, is always perfectionist!
To fall or to stand for your life, it’s you to decide
Starts and ends, we never know, but He is to provide.









Author notes

5)

A contest entry

:)

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Grey
    February 28

    Edit | Reply
    I don't want to be overly critical of this piece, because I feel like it has some sentimental value and I don't want to do injury over religion, however, I have a few issues with it:

    There were technically no prompts in the contest, and I would have preferred to see something that wasn't based on anything in the contest description.

    The language used seemed a bit off, to me. There was some inconsistency between the archaic (thy) and the modern (you), unless of course you used "you" in the plural sense, which is appropriate grammatically, but then there is the question of why you went from addressing a single person to an audience.

    The general cadence of the piece seemed lacking to me; I feel like the syllables tended to be jarring rather than smooth.

    I'm sorry if this offends you, and I hope that you can take something positive from my comments. Remember, even a step back is a chance to appraise our creations from a new angle.


    • Kiddy
      March 1
      Edit | Reply
      Mr. Grey,

      I am very happy to receive your comment honest from your heart.... It was not big points or less number of entrants attracted me to enter this contest...I found this one quite challenging and wanted to know where do I stand on the scale... winning trophy or points wasn't my aim, just wanted to know where do I go wrong and I was sure that hosts like you would pin point the mistakes without any hesitation...before I entered my poem in here, I visited your previous contests and understood that how important it was, to me, to enter this one.... and I could realize that my ESL pinholes through writing, at times.... I look forward to entering your next contest, next year...365 days are there, I am sure, there will be remarkable improvement in my English.... thanks for your valuable comment...

      Love and regards
      Kiddy


  • Chainsaw
    February 23

    Edit | Reply
    Did you intend for this to be called "Everything is just right!" as oppose to "Everything thing is just right!"?


    • Kiddy
      February 23
      Edit | Reply
      your comment is much appreciated...thanks for stopping by and your valuable time....

      love
      kiddy

1 - 5 of 5