Every tear that falls
tears away what's left of my heart.
Every tear that falls
is what's left of me
Every tear that falls
goes every memory
that i have of you and me
Every tear that falls
is a cry of help
Every tear that falls
is just another rain drop
Every tear that falls
is the breaking of my heart
Every tear that falls
tears away what's left of my broken heart.
tell me what you feel.
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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wow its really really gud!
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a very beautiful and wonderful poem. Very nicely done.
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Very moving. I like the repeating line.
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For someone so young you have made a very powerfully emotional piece of writing here. One day you will read this again and your new words will fall into place with very little effort at all. Then it will be right in your own way.
LittleMoon
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Very nice to see you again! I agree with the others, very sad, and the repetition can be very powerful. I too would like another ending, and will look forward to a revision when you have time.
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Repitition can be a very powerful tool
Strengthen the final verse/ending though
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sad. but beautifully written. Though in some poems you might want to avoid repition, though this works nicely.I liked reading it. It even almost made me sad,but maybe you could try changing it up.There are so many possibilities as to what you can do with this poem.
The last 2 lines didn't seem to conclude the poem well. Because you have repetition,going on, repeating the second to last line in the ending makes me think there's more to the poem that you're not letting me read.
maybe something like this would end it better:
Every tear that falls
tears away what's left of my heart,
and leaves it blank
like the page of a book.
just a suggestion. a good ending would make the rest of this poem so much better with just the right (and different) words. -
forgot these
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sad and raw
as only an emotion of grief and loss can be. Hope all is better now.
Blessed Be~
)O(
DragonBlue
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aww sweet heart this is sad
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A very emotional and sad write although it must be said, that with every tear that falls another angel is born, for those tears ARE our hearts and they will never be entirely broken but can mend with caring and love of yourself..learning to love yourself first then others, is the right step in the right direction..Well Done!
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