As you lay lost in your screaming,
and clouds of flame roll by,
everything is foggy,
blackening your sky.
Darkness envoloping,
everything you love,
and rain cascading down in sheets of red blood,
think of me,
and all these horrible things will turn into good ones.
Imaginary images flash through your mind,
bringing you down,
into my time.
Author notes
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no question
Comments
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OOOOO! This is interesting! I like it. It's dark and kind of lonesome then you say, turn to me and everything will be better! It creates a nice feeling in the midst of the darkness you created.
I do have one suggestion. The line "and all these horrible things will turn into good ones." Seemed kind of awkward, I think because the rest of the poem erads as short little thoughts in each line and this line just seems kind of drug out. Try shortening it to just, "and all these horrible things will turn to good." It only cuts out a few words, but I think it will impact the strangth your poem already has greatly! Another great one! You take after your creative big sisters so much
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You spelled *strength wrong dear sister.
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Yeah... that's cause I cant type with these gloves on (you know here at work lol)... I even spelled reads erads so
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hmm, very interesting. I liked it. of course, I kinda got confused a little. but that might be because I'm kinda tired like... mm, keep up the great work! very, descriptive! yea, thats the word =D
xXDCXx
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