Canine appetite rumbles
Like thunder within
Down where it is hollow
I crave at each smell
That the air purposely funnels
Into my direction
Testing the dedication
I ache for the perfect size
No energy as I disguise
Begging to be normal
But another day
I am hollow
Acid fighting within
Here.... is me not caring
Anger is my fuel
My heart is weakened
In control
Punishing myself
Because of you
{my debt}
Author notes
Eating disorders can wreck people's life's
In a list
A contest entry
- Vent your Frustrations. by Loki.
700 points, ended March 1, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tough Times by borrowing.moonlight.
1100 points, ended June 17, 65 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write a poem about anything. by Blue-Rose Beauty.
750 points, ended April 8, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - H.M. Trophies Only by AliceinPoetryLand.
600 points, ended May 9, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
can you feel this?
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
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great poem, my fav part was: Punishing myself
Because of you. thats so true!!!
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Wow.. wining poem.. very much depth in it
a kind of piece one would like to read again and again
thanks for sharing
can I praise your onething?
your eyes are so beautiful
by
the poet of hearts and beautiful words -
very good write! great job
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Nice job on this poem...unfortunately, I have to disqualify it from my contest. The rules specified that entries cannot have won any previous trophies, and this one has three (rightfully so). You definitely have talent, though, and you're welcome to re-enter with a different poem. :-)
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Awesome write!
very emotionally charged
I am moved
thank you for sharing
~Pastel
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Poignant
Much originality.Obviously from one who has suffered. Was this the best form?
Also, as no-one else has mentioned, correct spelling is 'appetite' with an 'e'
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Thankyou for pointing that out, I really apprecitate it! ;-)
What other form would this work in? Im curious as I love to learn forms x x -
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Brutalize
I have spent hours trying to justify my comment. I had originally thought it would be an easy thing to take it apart, and then reconstruct in fairly traditional, metrical fashion, probably a long line, followed by a short one, to keep the punchiness. In the event, I couldn't do it. I did think, though, that you could have added another 'within' line, and perhaps repeated the final line at the end of the previous ones, which would be a little mysterious, but add poinancy to it when the reader reached the final line.
One other spelling thing: in your notes, the plural of 'life' is 'lives'. I am sure that was an oversight.
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Wow ! ! ! Powerful stuff, now you take care. -
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Aww thankyou hun x
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Wow this is s strong and vivid write! The emotions you portray in this are excellent and so palpable.
Thanks so much for your entry
Gaylene
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Thankyou for the bronze im so glad that you liked it ;-) x x
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good
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Yes they can, you're totally right. Great write! You make a very good point.
Thanks for entering!
-Dlvvanzor -
VERY NICE. DID YOU TAKE A CREATIVE WRITING CLASS
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That was very very good. I loved it.
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The last line "(my debt)" I feel is unneeded in the whole of the poem. Seems like an addage. Other than that, I really enjoyed reading this poem. It has a nice flow from beginning to end.
-Nam
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Yes. Very much.
:-) -
This is very heart breaking and filled with a lot of sadness. I can relate to this I have a disorder as well. Very sad and you expressed yourself so freely I loved how you wrote the poem and the picture goes so well with the poem thanks so much for the contest.
You are not alone
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Oh my this is really heart breaking. I can relate so well to this it's painful to read. I been through this before. It's not a easy thing to go through. This is really sad. So full of emotion. I have an disorder myself. So I know how you feel.
This is beautiful.
I really enjoyed this piece.
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intentially too good
the way you expressed your internal, it was worth sharing
pretty delicious treat to read it
nice work
liked your wording alots
by
\the poet of hearts and beautiful words
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Ouch...that one hit me where it hurts. >< i've been there. actually... i am there. i could feel every single solitary word, and i actually winced. well, that means one thing at least, you can definitely write! holy crap.... wow. i would say more critical things, but i'm still reeling. anyway, i liked your poem. and you did a really good job. congrats, you made finalist. thanks for entering
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oohhh thankyou hunny, I am glad that this really hit you but I am sorry to hear that you are here too...its not a nice place to be and I hope you feel better soon. Goodluck with judging the contest; there are so many good ones in here :-) xx
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I love the wording in this, you did a great job. Yes, I agree that eating disorders are addictive. I'm struggling with anorexia and it's great to read a poem that really truly describes that struggle. Your second word is misspelled, that is the only thing that is wrong with it. Good job and good luck in the contest.
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Wow
Such powerful wording! I've only read a couple poems about eating disorders in my time writing, but yours is by far the most interesting. A very nice write on your part about such a dark, though often overlooked, subject.
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I'll admit that initially, I was put off because the second word in the poem is misspelled and that's a bit of a pet peeve of mine but as I read further, and found no other errors, I discovered the power of this piece overall. It's very easy to write a poem about pretty things, like love, and rainbows and whatnot, but it takes skill to write about something ugly and painful and produce an interesting, beautiful poem.
I've long struggled with body issues, and unfortunately, have two younger sisters that do the same so this is a topic close to my heart. While I wasn't sure how it tied into this contest specifically (are you frustrated with your disorder or the world's opinion of you because of it??) and think you should employ a synonym for hollow in one of the two places you used it, I really liked this piece.
Nice job. Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest!
-Bean -
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hi thankyou for your big comment :-D yeah this came from the frustration of the eating disorders and how I came about getting them!! I know I shouldnt blame the people that hurt me in the past but the experiences are what made me; what made me feel dirty, lose my self esteem etc If that makeas any sense... my debt! and always will be but life moves on lol
glad you liked it though xx
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Wow, there is something to be said about the depths to which eating disorders will inspire people to write. How is it that such beautiful poetry can come from such a horrible thing. There is a song from the band Anti Flag called "This is the end" that touches on eating disorders for the purpose of conforming to an accepted ideal of beauty. This poem moved in about the same way that song does. Well written and thank you for entering. Best of luck in this and the other contests.
-Løki
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I thought you did an excellent job expressing your thoughts in this poetic piece you inscribed here, I knew where you were coming from way before the author's notes, so, you did a good job, and yeah for me for following each line so well.
I wish you all the best within the contest poetess! Peace, Timothy aka poeticweaver~ x
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Good
The feeling of anger, in the extreme towards someone?
I felt that so many times yet...unfortunately we have to keep it in and get it under control.
"Anger is my fuel "
Very true and raw emotion...pretty good.
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Excellent
A beautiful and honest write.
The page folds it self up and unfolds
again close to the understood side of your brain.
Such a gifted writer.
Smiles were sent along with this.
Thanks for sharing your talent,
wishing you the best in the contest.
Love Peace
campanaro
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Thankyou so much for your lovely comment ;-) x are you in contest? Which 1?
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My heart breaks for the pain you suffer. I will say you did an awesome job with this piece. I could feel the pain. You are quite talented. May your days be brighter than this piece reflects. Blessings. d
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becuase iv been through eating disorders and self harm i know you can put so much more emotion and pain into this the picture itself has a lot more and i feel it overshadowed the poem. i did enjoy the way you wrote it though and how you did a good job of expressing and good use of coma's and such :]
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Thanku for your comment hun. This woz just a quick write of how I feel at the moment. I do have more in depth writes but just wanted to get a little bit of the pain out. Its in my focus poems...just stuck at a block and feeling empty x ;-) ty for reading
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This is really good. You didn't glorify the eating disorder, as so often can be done, and didn't act like it was a good thing. Best of luck in overcoming both the eating disorder and the self harm. And keep up the great poems!
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