have you seen
my boxes?
they are square and round
and cubical, wood and clay
and iron in little fragments of layers
like a chessboard,
or the lacquer on a lady’s jewellery chest.
They hold precious things –
herbs and gems and
frankincense. But not the last;
I am not
biblical. My thoughts twist
in ways that would shock the apostles to silence –
it is because
I am too feminine.
Can you name the cycles of the moon?
Neither can I, but I feel them;
they pulse against me
like embers of an ancient flame
which I have never touched.
It echoes
in the boxes; the secret, silent spaces
where I may dwell
when all is empty. late at night,
when I can bleed without you hearing,
there may be slivers that escape
from their horn-brass-plastic prison-cells;
yes, I have many
boxes. and not all are filled
with my soul.
Author notes
For this prompt of 'psychological', I tried a technique first taught to me by blkwidow77 here, that is, drawing whilst 'out of it' and then taking inspiration from that.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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92
Originality 9
Creativity/Poetic device 9
Line-breaks/emphasis/flow/structure 9
balance of abstraction/imagery/ideas 10
Cohesion 10
Emotion/personality/edge 9
Impact/Reaction 8
mechanics: 5
rules followed: 5
diction/verbiage: 5
syntax: 5
Title: 3
overall opinion: 5
Extra credit ~ X Factor: 0
Total possible: 100
I really love the theme.
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i thought the way you used the _ and _ and _ etc. was quite clever in the first few lines, until "I am not biblical" threw off the swing of the poem a little, but then the rhythm changes and it matches again... haha.
this is really neat. awesome ending.
-cassidy
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89
Originality 9/10
Creativity/Poetic device 8/10
Line-breaks/emphasis/flow/structure 7/10
balance of abstraction/imagery/ideas 10/10
Cohesion 10/10
Emotion/personality/edge 9/10
Impact/Reaction 8/10
mechanics: 5/5
rules followed: 5/5
diction/verbiage: 5/5
syntax: 5/5
Title: 3/5
overall opinion: 5/5
Extra credit ~ X Factor: 0/5
Total possible: 89
Laura
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94
Originality 9/10
Creativity/Poetic device 9/10
Line-breaks/emphasis/flow/structure 10/10
balance of abstraction/imagery/ideas 10/10
Cohesion 10/10
Emotion/personality/edge 9/10
Impact/Reaction 8/10
mechanics: 5/5
rules followed: 5/5
diction/verbiage: 5/5
syntax: 5/5
Title: 4/5
overall opinion: 5/5Extra credit ~ X Factor: 0/5
Total: 94 -
I think the piece really came together at the end. I really love the idea of the write... boxes creating who we are? It seems so degrading, like they create us and then that's it... but then it was almost like you overcame this at the end, realizing there was more to you, but you have been so hurt...
It was defiantly a psychological write to me, you really tried to dig down deep and get indepth, and I defiantly related to it on my own level.
Great work. Good luck with the judges!
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I enjoyed it, love the depth in your imagery, though thought perhaps a bit of formatting would enhance it... I did enjoy it immensely all the same
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