Wandering in the landscape of the mind
I found a small piece of coal
a fossil of life to use again.
I began to draw
I sketched a face upon the void
I gave it eyes to see my world
Long flowing tresses
to entwine the heart
Ears of fragile shells
stroked by black silken locks
open to the symphony of life.
I sketched a gentle curve
of nose refined, just slightly uplifted
to know the fragrance of spring wild flowers
amongst the sweet grass.
I began to draw a mouth
open to taste of life
to talk of wonders seen
of overwhelming joy
of sadness so deep it blotted out the sun
I did not know how
I had no memory to guide my hand
I could not invent what I had no concept of
The line trailed
fading into indecision and doubt
coal fell from my hand as I walked on
through the darkness of mind
Author notes
word prompt 1: Darkness of mind
A contest entry
- Options Galore, Well a few anyhow to use your imaginations!!! xx by hearts blossoms.
850 points, ended March 6, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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this was very original like a piece of ink art, it was descriptive and flowed well, nice use of the line i gave also, solid words that had me leaning somehow expecting to see the outcome of a sketch at the end
abigail
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Wonderful
Very well done. Great take on the prompt. Best of luck in the contest
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Very well written with good flow and balance. A thoughtful ending; doesn't this describe the experience of all honest and intelligent people?
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Good
Impressive, good write, very thought provoking. Keep up the good work. I really liked these lines:
"I began to draw a mouth
open to taste of life
to talk of wonders seen
of overwhelming joy
of sadness so deep it blotted out the sun
I did not know how
I had no memory to guide my hand
I could not invent what I had no concept of "
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Good luck on the contest. Your words spoke deep, the ending was my favorite part, look foward to reading more of your work. Great job.
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Superb Plus +
A fine write, just as it is. If you choose, perhaps you could have the same write, again, with a positive ending. That is my only suggestion. -
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Thank you both for your comments. A negative ending always leaves me a little unsure of whether it works so it was good to hear that it could fit both ways.
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You are quite welcome.
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this is brilliant...I love the idea of coal as a fossil...the resourcefulness in your thoughts and using it as a medium on sketching a portrait.
I see the artist in you...momentum is very elusive
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Fabulous
Honestly I'm not really sure but this really spoke to me. It's well written and...just brilliant. I really loved this. Good luck in the contest : ) I will have to bookmark this and come back later
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So good to know you considered it worth coming back to and thank you for commenting.
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