Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Part 1. Burning building

i cant remember how but i was in front of a burning building
i couldn't hear any thing but i sow people running
i saw the flames and how the building collapse
what was happening i didn't get it, i needed  a pause
some how my feet started running
and there i was in front of the burning building
why was i here?
why is this happening to me?
all of a sudden i remember why i was here
i saw this building in the news
and decided to help, but why?
ho! now i remember, i came here to die
last Monday i went to the hospital
and i was told that i had a tumor
some where in side me
i didn't want to know where
all i remember was that i had seven days left
wait a minuet what day is today?
i was trying to ask some people standing next to me
but they didn't seem to see me, so i screamed
nothing,
so i started running and i ran into a man
i went right through him
how was that possible? i asked my self
then the man was sitting right next to me
i was in the hospital
"where am i"
" your in the hospital babe"
"how did i get here?"

"i found you on the floor of your apartment"

what the hell is happening to me!

"what day is today?"

"Sunday"

Sunday?

oh *bunny*!

if today is Sunday then tomorrow is Monday!"

Monday!

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Wandering Poet
    February 28

    Edit | Reply
    In line 27 you have "em" instead of am. I like the idea of that she's dead and dosen't realize it and has thought of killing herself. Intresting angle. Also it took me a second to realize the signifigance of Monday in the final line so try making it more obvious why she is concerned about Monday. Just a thought. Good poem.