Maybe some think it’s crass
There’re things we never have to ask
Pondering life’s themes
Squandering away our dreams:
Shallow was her sigh
Agony indicated her day was nigh
Tearing marked her fright
Her husband’s lament, spent the night
He stroked her brow as though…
His fingers couldn’t let her go
Rocking to and fro
Whispering, “God, you know…”
Salt water fell without a sound
His lips soothed her crown
Slowly, she turned around
Silken’d eyes masked a frown—
But in their room, a miracle occurred
Morn arrived, as time deferred
To the strength of her inner prayer
He bawled, mounting the stairs…
Gently he took her hand
Beyond belief—she had power to stand
Then, she embraced her man
Gingerly she replaced her band
She touched his wet face
For hours it seemed, they stood in place—
Absorbed in the moments grace
(Thirty more years filled that space)
No more bartered time
They faced each day sublime...
Author notes
Hello readers. This is a fictious write; I'm experimenting again. I was thinking (here) about the depth of our connections to others and without realizing it, I had thought of almost half of this in my head so I figured I should write it and post it. Hope it is worth the read. Thank you for the visit.
(I just entered this in a contest that required 20 - 40 lines. I cut out the original 2 to fit the contest. Here they are from the the last stanza:
"Imbibing from each other’s souls
Hastening to reach their goals').
A contest entry
- Soulmates by amysticwriter.
700 points, ended March 4, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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Brilliant !Bravo!
I think yo uare becoming one of my fav , this was so beatiful the emotion here feel so real I wish I could touch it . from top to bottom I think it goes so well together It drawl you in to end with that last stanza was amazing. It like watching a move you dont want to end. So sad that its over yet happy because it
end to start something new or fresh a coming full circle brilliant read.
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Wow...thank you very much for such a tremendous amount of praise and kindness. i'm really touched by what you thought of this write and look forward to getting more time (playing 'catch up' for the next few weeks) to read from you. This piece came pretty spontaneously enough but ended up being one of my personal favs. You have honored me here. Thank you again for all the wonderful feeback on this.
AsIThink...
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Beautiful write!
Even with the experimental stuff you do outstanding work. I wouldn't change anything about this piece, especially the ending. I think that as a final post, post contest, you should edit it back with the last 2 lines. Extraordinay visuals, great rhyme. Beautiful piece, the Muse must be pleased! Support your Muse, Dear Friend, Write on!
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You really are too good to me in commenting and extending such great support. Thank you for the bottom of my heart. I am so glad that you got around to reading this and like it the way that you do. You are never stingy on the gracious compliments. What a pleasant surprise and such a gift to read your feedback as always.
AsIThink...
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what a wonderful write.
for an experiment, i'd say you did an exquisite job! i love its cohesiveness. it really tells a full story and pulls at our humanity.
a wonderful thing to contemplate (our connection w/others). most of our lives greatest moments are shared and the joy of that sharing is well seen in this work!
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You have said such extraordinary things here. Thank you so much for your kindness and for paying me these amazingly humbling compliments. I'm glad that you liked it and happier that you told me so.
AsIThink...
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Good Write
A nice insitefull well written fantasy poem I really enjoyed reading it.Keep writing,I like your style
.......George....
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Hey, thanks a lot for the great inspiration and your wonderful feedback. I apologize for having missed this comment earlier. Thanks for sharing your view on this.
AsIThink...
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It was absolutely wonderful to read. Awesome, awesome insightful and brilliantly penned.
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Wow...what a marvelous comment. I truly thank you for your kind words and am glad that you experienced this piece as you have. What a wonderful thing to say.
AsIThink... -
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You are quite welcome. Would love to read more of your works.
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In the first stanza you need to word 'to' before ask. I like your fantasies here based as they are on what people really feel and go through. good luck in contest.
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Thank you very much for this reading and wonderful feedback. I also thank you for the edit notice...I made the change. Glad to know that you liked this piece.
AsIThink...
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Good write...I sense a love almost gone to be revived and renewed...
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Thank you very much for hosting this contest and for reviewing my submission. I happy that you liked it.
AsIThink...
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Beyond belief...but it does happen!
This is beautiful...such hope and love and a wondrous happening...a miracle...I believe in miracles. Well done!
I love the story you have penned here. The connection between two souls...priceless!
Mariana
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Ah! So, you believe in miracles too? lol... Yeah, sure makes sense to me (even if this piece is a wee-bit "Beyond belief..." hahaha).
Thank you so, so much for such thoughtful words and the time that went into your beautiful response. I'm glad that you love this story. Imagine how happy that makes me feel.
AsIThink...
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great experiment, it works well.. beautiful words
She touched his wet face
For hours it seemed, they stood in place—
Absorbed in the moments grace
(Thirty more years filled that space)
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Thank you so much gg. Always a welcomed, pleasant comment from you. Glad you liked this as you did. Thank you for reading and being kind enough to leave your remarks (naturally nice to hear).
AsIThink...
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after my husband motorcycle accident last year, this is exactly what happen except the roles were reversed.
God you know that was it,
I didn't feel as if I needed many words
this is what I want
to be blessed with 30 more years together would be my dream,well a billion years would bemy dream but that's me being greedy
this was fun and I am sure many have been here
I love love this brings back amazing memories and you and your creative talent shine
God bless you my friend...
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Ah-ha...I see you've stumbled on this piece (). I was curious about what you'd think if you got around to reading it; no more guessing now (haha). Thank you very much for your inspiring feedback. Sorry to hear about the accident of your husband; hope he's recovered now (or progressing well in recovery). It is important to be able to get a pulse on how we affect others (whether with what we write, say or do). I am happy that you have such an wonderful view of me and my work. Thank you for the prayer and may it return to you ten-fold.
AsIThink...
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Extremely Touching
This is just beautiful...paralleling your theme of how souls 'touch' each other, with touches of love-laced fingertips. Sad, farwell caresses transform into a joyous embrace by the wonder of a miracle. The notion of time in this write begs mention; from moments which sigh long and low, to the seeming hours they stood in place...and the thirty years that filled time in an instant.
This write feels spiritual and deeply intimate. Outstanding write and a pleasure to read...alby
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What a stupendous compliment and one that wobbled my soul almost. You know, this was one of those writes that write themselves (nearly). Thank you very, very much for your keen manner of commenting which never fails to inspire me in one way or another. The things and feelings that you walked away from this poem with make me feel awfully glad that I posted this. I thought of time in the way I did because of its cosmically, elusive quality that it certainly does have. I cannot thank you properly for this amazing feedback.
AsIThink...
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I like your experiment. It is well written. The rhymes are well done and the story, though initially dark, is uplifting.
Mike
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ahhh. Thanks so much Mike. It is very rare for me to get several visits from the same person in one night (must be my lucky night...lol). Your compliments are well received on this end. Yeah, I do the dark-to-light thingy intentionally (or at least I try to). I'm not one to stay in the dark.
AsIThink...
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I enjoyed your write, sometimes we don't know how much we care, until forced into an ultimatum...
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Thank you very, very much for such wonderful feedback. I agree with you completely here. Really appreciate the reading by you and visiting.
AsIThink...
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Wonderful story, and great reminder of the importance of appreciating those connections every day... "no more bartered time"
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Hello Mallig. Thank you tons for being the first to comment here and for your generous ways and support. I'm glad that you liked this and took the time to let me know it.
AsIThink...
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