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daddy's toy

Missing image
Peering from behind reality's sting,
brokenness lingers in obscurity.
Colorful hues taunt from the world outside,
leaving this darkness to torment my mind.

Daddy said he'd be back one summer day.
Me, I'm praying he's gone on to hell,
maybe satan will touch him the way he...
well, you know all the things bad daddy's do.

The bruises still ache when I remember.
Hunger is making me dizzy and weak.
Thirst has hairy things growing on my tongue
and I know no one is setting me free.

If you find him, PLEASE! don't tell him to come.
My world may be ending but, it's better...
better than living the way that I was,
better than being daddy's little toy.

Author notes

thank you for reading me

In a list

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • holy sh**** i just dont know what to say


  • Miss Faerie Greeters member
    March 2
    Edit | Reply
    This piece is powerful and vivid and very touching to a reader.

    However, it clearly states in my rules that you need to enter a freshwrite along with a prewrite and you have not done this.

    Therefore, your entry is being removed from my contest.

    Shari


  • Forgotten Anomaly
    February 23
    Edit | Reply
    Such a very sad poem, I've read far too many child abuse poems today, I'm greatful for my upbringing which is really saying something when everytime someone hears about my childhood I end up in the theripists office, the strange things you become thankful for. I have no suggestions, this is just fantastic, and heart renching all at the same time. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    February 21

    Edit | Reply
    Awww this is horrible. Well, what happened was the poem isn't itself. I feel so greatful I had a reasonable upbringing.


  • amartya
    February 21
    Edit | Reply

    and Oh!

    I'll be honored if you find time to read a couple of my pieces. This is not promotion  but just a request or an invitation.

    Respectfully,

    Amartya

  • amartya
    February 21

    Edit | Reply

    wow!

    Viyanna,

    This is definitely become one of my favorite poems. The master-piece has not left me much to comment on except that you have wrapped up a very complicated feeling very simply in this poem. It made my mood sombre and and angry.

     

    Are you are professional writer?

     

    I have a couple of suggestions though.

     

    Firstly, this line: "If you find me, PLEASE! don't tell him to come."

     

    I thought "If you find [him]" is what you meant.

     

     

    Secondly, about the center alignment. There is no problem with center alignments but in this particular case I felt that the alignment reduced the seriousness of the piece. Such feelings generally haunt one's mind and therefore is visualised to be coming out of "a corner of the mind". Center alignment makes a piece very, "exposed" - if I may use that term?

     

    But again, this is just my opinion. The important thing is your feeling. And surely you expressed it excellently.

     

    Respectfully,

     

    Amartya

1 - 6 of 6