Soon he’ll break through these walls no one sees
and step out of his box. Until then he gropes,
silently seeking escape.
A phone rings. You can’t see it?
The news is good!
He bends down and feels his way
through a narrow passage out.
He is free!
The small crowd applauds the jubilant mime.
Author notes
55 words, no more no less.
A contest entry
- Mimes by Yemassee.
653 points, ended February 23, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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good imagery
Your wording is very efficient, there is enough to show what is going on, and the reader's memory fills in the rest. The invisible box can be a metaphor for self-inflicted limitations, and the jubilation of escape is real. Good work!
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Hi Susan
55 words? Umm, you have the wrong contest, lol
It's like he's on stage at some Theater of the Absurd presentation. I can see it being performed.
Picking up on my co-hosts idea of the phone:
"ca you see it?" You didn't say "hear it?" So there is no ring, another mime prop, and the idea is for us to convey the scene.
A phone call sets him free. Intriguing, what could that be? It could be somewhat traditional...love calling, it could be more abstract the phone is a symbol of awakening, a sort of epiphany.
That is the idea of Absurdist drama, we never really know the answers, it's not meant to be that way.
Thanks Susan.
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Now Seriously Yem -
If I am going to reappear after a long absense and make my presense known in a contest, wouldn't I do something to make you say - I know that writing. Even if you hadn't peeked.
The very first person who read this said it sounded like child birth. How is that for an interesting read?
There is no phone, just as there are no walls and no real passage. A good mime will convey it all. I think we are so annoyed by mimes because they can convey what we work so hard to conceal.
Emotions blast across their faces, carried to the extreme. That is a freedom we cannot handle.
55 words - hey you cursed me with that a few years ago, I am giving it back.
Thanks for the clapping guys and the inspiration. -
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Did I read this before? I don't remember it. But I remember so little.
Of course I remember the 55 word stories. I was just kidding.
We hate mimes for quite unsophisticated and visceral reasons...they look silly. lol -
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You have never seen this piece. It was inspired by your contest. I came to the contest from Margaret's lovely poem.
Silly looks do add to the reasons mimes are disliked, that and that smug look on their face.
I think your well is a good idea. Though it might get clogged with all that grease paint. Do mime's scream when they are falling?
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The silence of a mime's life, trapped within the confines of his/her imagination seeking escape.
"A phone rings. Can you see it?"
My favorite line for how it is reverses the usual in a mime's world.
Nicely done
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The phone is a gimmick. It gives a moment to change the mood and direction of the act. He could just bend down and find the exit, but that would be the typical. We do not want typical.
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