Fighting against a need for you
Locking my heart from pain so true
Over you I'm feeling so blue
Whenever you spoke the lies grew
Eagerly seaking all that's new
Realizing our love was taboo
Make me think I have no value
Always you thought I had no clue
No flowers will this love renew
Doris 2-21-09 rewrite from Paloszoo
Author notes
This is about my X
I'm not sure this qualifies in your rewrite contest. But I wanted to try. I've never writen with a promt of any kind.
I'm just starting little tips are welcome
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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You nailed the acrostic form. Very different from my original, but nicely unique! Thanks for entering my humble contest and for taking the time out to read and rewrite one of my poems. I appreciate it. Good luck!
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Excellent work! You really are much better at this than you believe you are! Not that it suprises me. It runs in the family on both sides.
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Nice acrostic. It's harder to write an acrostic that rhymes, in my opinion. It flows well. Kudos to you.
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flower man
Thanks for you compliment. I'm glad you liked it. I'm so new to this I have to admit I'm not sure what acrostic means. LOL Is it when you use a vertical word for the begining leter in each line?
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Wow! This is very interesting! The rhyming is fantastic! This poem deserves a trophie!
Good luckin the contest!
-Darg
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Flower man
Thank you. I was a little worried it was too much of a rewrite. I'm glad the rhyming works. I don't seem to be able to get away from my poems rhyming. It's nice some time, but I need to practice more free style.
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