Ahh, tranquil multi-hued river
The pollution makes me shiver;
Deadly mercury leaches out,
A haven for mutated trout.
A carcass both bloated and dead,
Even the vultures have not fed.
Sludge taints memories of times passed,
Tannery dyes in sharp contrast.
The river chokes on their arrival;
For the trout there’s no survival.
This stream’s death’s a small disaster
In a problem that’s much vaster.
The old swimming hole’s filled with dregs
And smells too much like rotten eggs.
Author notes
The AP Poetess Paloszoo crafted a beautiful poem - http://allpoetry.com/poem/5074923. then she came up with an idea to have people re-write one of her poems. This is my desecration of her beautiful work.
Image source: http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3248/2371249235_7302c54488.jpg?v=0
I chose China as the setting because it has some of the worst and most widespread environmental problems in the industrialized world.
In a list
A contest entry
- Rewrite My Poems - you can do it!!! Just click and read! (Contest) by Paloszoo.
1100 points, ended March 5, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Mike, this poem is beautifully crafted, and as such, it makes the horror of which you write stand out even more. The only real power I have to affect change in situations like this is the power of the vote, and I hope I use it wisely. Thank you for reminding us that such abominations exist. Lita
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The issue of pollution in most of the world makes the things we currently worry about here in the US pale in comparison. China is going to be a hot spot for environmental issues for decades to come. The same can be said for Russia and some of its former republics, if any attention is paid to what is going on there.
Thank you very much for reading and commenting.
Mike
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What, my friend, did you do to my peaceful poem???
Still, an excellent rewrite! Thanks for entering my humble contest and for taking the time out to read and rewrite one of my poems. I appreciate it. Good luck!
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I am sure that you were horrified to read this desecration. It was a challenge. It is not the sort of contest I would normally enter. I am glad you enjoyed it.
Mike
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this poem does for me exactly what you other poem did.
it makes the reader ask why. what have the children done to deserve this? and what can, do we do to help. you've done a great job of putting something on a person's mind. -
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Thank you again for reading and commenting on my work. Sometimes I can provoke thoughts, other times I provoke laughter. Sometimes I just provoke. I am glad this one works for you. I have spent 20 years in the environmental industry.
Mike
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Horrific conditions
This topic deserves more attention, thank you for speaking out in this rewrite ...
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The conditions in China are indeed horrific. The country is torn between the need for rapid industirialization and horrid conditions of the past 60 years. Thank you for reading and commenting. It is much appreciated.
Mike
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A very real problem In a lot of places, we seem to have the knack to destroy what we are given
Great write, Imagery and flow are perfect
Ticks all the boxes
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Yes we do. Nature can do a great job at healing herself if she is giving the opportunity. Thank you for reading and commenting. I am glad you enjoyed the poem.
Mike
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Good luck on the contest. This poem had great imagry and the flow was good. I look foward to reading more of your work.
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Thank you for reading and commenting. It is very much appreciated. I am glad that you enjoyed the write.
Mike
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The truth in words is often the horror in reality. They may end up destroying themselves before becoming a country they can be proud of. Another fantastic write its ashame you can't surprise me anymore. I come to expect it from you. Well done sir, Boog
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I greatly appreciate your comment. I am sure that I can surprise you. I have poems that are not so well written. I figure I am still learning, but I know I write better than I used to.
Mike
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vultures exist in china
and they eat fish?
haha
just kidding. this is a great piece.. and what we are doing to the environment is horrifying. especially what were doing to the oceans.
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Thanks for reading and commenting. Vultures exist in most places in the world including china and will eat anything dead. They reached my area about 20 years ago after following the interstates north. The rivers of China are horribly polluted as is the air in many of the major cities.
Mike -
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lol i was joking about the vultures
just i dont imagine them eating fish
and yea the air quality is pretty freaking bad in some places..
lots a resipiratory diseases.
i mean.
wow.
people are workign so they can have a better life and their paying for their better life by getting ill.
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Good write. The surge of economic growth has a price and only the strong weak will survive.
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The potential for continued damage in the worlds most populated and most rapidly industrializing nation is very high.
Thank you for reading and commenting. It is much appreciated.
Mike
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Wow, this image is sad
Truthful words, when does this not hurt?
Good words for this image..
Well Done !!
xoXO
vivian~
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Thank you for reading and commenting. It is a disturbing poem for those who are not confronted with it on a daily basis. I work in the environmental field. The things we worry about here in the US and in Western Europe would be considered miraculously clean in other parts of the world. Due to recent industrialization and the blind pursuit of wealth, the potential for continued damage all over China is incredibly high.
The original poem by Paloszoo was much more serene.
Mike
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