Talons of iron, stone and glass
rip through our sanctified walls,
disrupting my brethren
with unspeakable horror...
Thrust after brutal thrust,
these desecrating barrages continue ~
our sanctuary, shredded --
Death's putrid bouquet
now blankets this temple like unholy incense.
Grief-stricken cries
fill once harmonious chambers,
as blood-encrusted spikes pierce flesh...
A vicious cycle of death
replaces life as I knew;
mid-day's sun now turns dark.
Sorrow, loss and mourning --
A jagged shard breaks momentary peace,
breaching a nearby wall;
rushing waters pull me under,
dragging me through fresh carnage --
...I find myself falling,
downward towards waiting rocks below...
praying my death isn't all for naught.
Author notes
Author: Xianaria
POW Contest
Theme: A blood cell, coursing through the veins of Christ during the crucifixion, and leaving His body when the soldier pierces Jesus' side.
Any stunted phrasing is to reflect shock or disruption in mid-thought due to the barrage of assaults, they are intentional.
In a list
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW - by Bear by Arkbear.
1110 points, ended February 23, 2009, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - POETRY PODCAST - Showcasing your work. by Thom Boulton.
700 points, ended April 1, 2009, 61 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - perspective by The Slant.
700 points, ended August 14, 2009, 19 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 52 of 52
-
oh this is very very interesting.
"death's putrid bouquet..." was a moment of true literary beauty. some of the lines fell flat next to others that were so well-constructed and full of emotion.
great last line. it's kind of a funny concept, one of jesus' blood cells praying. thanks a lot for entering, this is exactly what i was looking for.
-
this was very breath taking, good luck in the contest
-
Very good! Very intense...just like the crucifiction would have been.
Pam
-
congrats on the golds on this most astounding piece...great job, as usual...i think you are king arthur or lancelot reincarnate...you're writings seem to have that sort of sound to them...very very good...perhaps you were robin hood in your last life...that's a compliment, trust me!
-
Excellent!
Very good write. Nothing else to say.
-
I like it, an interesting viewpoint, but we have to be careful not to detract from the real figure here.
-
-
Thank you ~
I understand what you're saying here, I am merely pointing out that it is through Christ's blood sacrifice -- without it, even communion is pointless, as it is about the body & blood, not about the bread & wine. -
-
And I agree, very much so in fact. Again, awesome write.
-
-
-
Crucified though reborn
The passion it is complete for the end is never a sight for gleefull eyes, it is in blood that we are born and so it is when we pass.
Let he who has risen from the eternal slumber be the first to walk amongst the disbelievers and shed the word of god like apples to the beasts.
I like it, I like it so!
-
Excellent
Your Authors Notes were very helpfull
Wonderfull power in these words
better upon a second reading
I find, many meanings
Well said
Rick
-
Very, very intense and powerful piece..wow!
MUCH deserving of the gold trophies!
One can't even BEGIN to fathom how Christ felt when he was crucified...
Awesome writing!
Thank you for sharing and for being part of this contest! -
Oh nice write. I liked the intensity of this piece and I really likied your use of poetic devices. Your word chioce was very good as well. I see this is a piece that deserves the shinys you've wong. Great job on this and good luck in the contest.
Josh
-
This is good. I like the imagery, I could clearly see what you were describing. It was slightly confusing at parts and didn't resinate with me like other poems do. I did appreciate your diction and format, both worked well with the theme and the poem. Good job and good luck! ~Des
-
Strong imagery and emotion in this piece.
Very intense write, I was wrapped in the story.
Bravo!!!
♥ Kate -
man, I just have to admire your brutality. this poem is well, BRUTAFUL
-
-
Thank you --
all it takes is freeing yourself from what we view as how poetry should be written -- and then allowing ourselves find our own voice.
This was done for Poem of the Week, I suggest you try it! There is a new one today, Poem of the Month -- check it out! It will help you grow & explore boundaries you never knew existed! http://allpoetry.com/contest/2441447
~ Tim
-
-
Wow! This is an interesting poem.
I like the thought put into it.
It's well written.
Thank you for your entry.
-
great write, thanks for the entry!
-
great write, thanks for the entry!
-
Congrats On The Gold
When I saw the poem in the featured site - I clicked it on thinking it was about that ungodly war in Iraq - all for naught - what a waste of time - lives - money - etc etc - you have done a bang up job on this one. The soldier piercing Christ side - was it for naught? - very very well done piece of writing here - you deserve the GOLD - Joe
-
words written with uncommon intensity. I could feel the anquish and pain. this was an eexcellent write.
-
A vicious cycle of death
replaces life as I knew;
mid-day's sun now turns dark.
Sorrow, loss and mourning --
A jagged shard breaks momentary peace,
breaching a nearby wall;
just love it
cheers
abybaby
-
first of all, congrats on winning gold... this piece really deserves it..creative, deep, touching and what not... I am sure I will be pondering over the same for the whole day.... thanks for sharing...
-
really good
-
yay! loved how you wrote this...
-
powerful, descriptive, emotional...i like it!!!
Death's putrid bouquet
now blankets this temple like unholy incense.
-
an issue that needs attention
you don't hear of any pow's in iraq
i wore a bracelet for someone in the 60's, vietnam
but
your wortk captures the hopelessness, despair, is anyone looking for me, etc
that, for real, they must feel
and
although there may not be pow's now
there are still our guys holding the line there
and
many vets coming back
good job
i sometimes feel others, even me, get so drawn into their own mixed emotions
they do not recognize the need to let go
and
in a way, they are saving the world from their own dismay
-
-
Hello ~
Thank you for your comments! While my meaning for (P.O.W) in the title mearly meant "Poem of the Week," you've given an entirely new perspective of the piece, one that is quite valid & moving. Thank you, I didn't even look at the poem as you did. Upon looking back, you are so correct ~ a wonderful interpretation,and a reminder that not every mother's son comes home from war ~ and let's pray that thier sacrifice isn't all for naught.
-
-
Wow
I read through it the first time and thought to myself how descriptive it was, and then the ending! It was only after I read the author notes that I realized the intensity of the words. Thank You. -
your praying your death isnt for naught?i like that ending keep it up
-
nice
the images that popped to my mind where horrifying. A reason i loved this piece great write and very creative
i loved it do not know what else to say .....
-
wow, this is brutal. does it pertain to rape? that is how I percieved it. Very strongly written. Nice job.
-
-
Thank you ~
No, but that's an interesting interpretation. As the AN mentions, the theme is "A blood cell, coursing through the veins of Christ during the crucifixion, and leaving His body when the soldier pierces Jesus' side."
-
-
wow
this is actually quite good, i enjoyed the word choices and how it was written, good job, and thanks for sharing it with us!!
-
Good one!
I'm not much for christian poetry, as I am Atheist, but I have to say, this truely is a very good poem. Extremely well written, and a very strong ending line. I tried to look at this both from my own point of view, and from the POV of a believer and either way, I see no flaws.
A powerful write.
Congrats on the gold, you deserved it.
-De
-
It really made images come to mind, and the words almost painted a picture.
-
Very effective and descriptive piece of writing. I found this to be very engaging for the senses and I liked how you wrapped this piece up, and everything led up to the intensity of the last line. Also, the reader is left wondering if the death was for naught, which adds interest to the poem. The theme is also universal, is the sacrifice ever worth it? it certainly is, if the alternative is living a meaningless life.
-
This one is really fantastic. I loved it. Thank you for writing.
-
Hey there Tim -
I hope you are pleased with my decision..>>
http://destinationpoetry.com/PO__Contest_Series.html
....and your little yellow men are finally here
God bless,
Bear -
-
-
Very cool, thank you ~
Good thing I'm judging this week, this one took a lot out of me
-
-
Moving
I truly loved it. I felt each and every emotion as though I experienced it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Muchas Gracias!
-
Very good piece of work. Congradulations on the Gold. Wonderful detail and flow of words. Very much a pleasure to read your work. Spikes pierced flesh, jumped out at me.
-
Good clean writing. The theme is very inventive and original. You have a wonderful imagination.
-
Congratulation on the contest. This is an excelent piece. The imagry is great. I look foward to reading more of your work.
-
Congrats my dearest friend! This was one of your best work i have read. I should have already said that but i didn't want to get your hopes up. I know a winning poem when i read one!
Love,
~Lisa~
-
Hello ~
I read this twice before going to bed last evening....and now again with a fresh mind.....I only have one question....why was this not saved in Word ofr the POM....or even POY?
As long as a Poem has not touched AP, or any other source of internet writing, it is considered Fresh & New.....what you do in your own time on Word, or simply on paper with pencil.....that's your business.....just as long as it has not been read by the internet or such -
I have nothing to critique here.....your METS are stunning....your Tone is glorified to your Higher Power (and mine)....and I could go about what is NOT wrong about this entry.......there is also no way I can pick a fav part.....well, maybe....starting with...*A jagged shard* .....from there on til the end, you dip further into character and show me the mind of a Genius Poet...(don't let that go to your head)
Standing ovation in Arkansas
Good luck and God bless,
Bear ~
Title 9.3....the only reason this Title is perfect, yet getting a 9.3, is because, I would not click on this.....however, after reading your write, it is excellent -
Flow 10....perfect -
Depth 10.. depth is perfect -
Theme 10...creative as creative can get -
Feelings 9.95...lacking feeling only slightly, unless you place yourself at the foot of the cross and imagine this happening systemically to your Higher Power and loved one -
Grammar 10....excellent use of grammar & METS -
Presentation 10....format is broklen up ever so cautiously...bringing your Reader into your thoughts -
Uncommonness...10...MOST creative....but, the best part of this, is how you lept this Poetic.....stunning work -
Sit & Ponder Affect 10...I did ponder...had it not been fora place called Mount Calvary -
Ability to follow Rules 10.0...perfect....nice job
-Bears Score: 99.25
Excellent work.....no editing after a Judge touches your work.......like you're going to touch this masterpiece....right
-
-
Hi Bear ~
Thank you, I'm actually quite humbled by this; I simply write as I feel lead.
In response to your POM/POY comment, quite simple: I wrote it the day this week's contest was posted. I had the idea kicking around in January, but I didn't have the words 'til now.
In retrospect, I do agree with Mercy that "disrupted" in the 1st S* is probably a weak word when put into perspective of what was happening. I was picturing all the cells in harmony, as one with His Body, and having that harmony broken with a sudden jolt.
Again, thank you.
~ Tim
-
-
Hello and welcome to this week's POW!
Again, I apologize for the brevity of this comment. This poem is powerful, the theme unique, the language and sound appropriately harsh. I do not question your punctuation, so I have very little to critique .
I only question one word which seems tame given what is happening: "disrupting".
You do not let the reader take a breath. This reads like the actual passion would feel - overwhelming and anxiety provoking.
Scores will be posted when contest is judged. Do not make any changes once a judge has commented.
-
Wow...
interesting theme...as always! Best wishes in the contest Tim! Be well and blessed!
Write on!
and
-
a wonderful poem so your imagery and depth is so powerful throughout good luck in the contestmaralisa
-
Wow.
Very haunting words, fellow poet. The imagery in this one is graphic, yet captures what the contest is looking for. Good one.
-
Well this has left me kinda nausea I am sick of blood lol but non the less a good write good luck in the contest be well.
Adding your comment:
1 - 52 of 52
