Did you know, my dear, how much I loved you?
A life of wasted thoughts fallen too soon,
No kiss goodbye, not so much as adieu,
I look to the sky, your face in the moon.
Dreaming our dreams of together forever
Oh, flightless wings now drowned in bitter grief
Your prized life you took, my love won’t sever
Without thought you stole my heart like a thief.
Dancing in the rain I hold your ghost’s hand
Rain whispers on my face as though you’re there
This emptiness is not what I had planned
This loss is more than I can truly bear.
You think killing yourself for me clever
But, my love, mistakes haunt you forever.
Author notes
P A L O S Z O O
"the best often die by their own hand
just to get away, and those left behind,
can never quite understand why anybody
would ever want to get away from them"
Prompt 2 :
Love - Sad/happy/undying/beautiful/broken/ugly blah
In a list
- HM's • next in list
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- Sonnet • next in list
- Gold • next in list
- Silver • next in list
- Bronze • next in list
A contest entry
- Title/Picture prompt option/ Rhyme only by piccola.
700 points, ended February 21, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Challenge! by joleahe.
400 points, ended February 26, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - *****Click HERE*******Please??****** by Xxnightmare21xx.
850 points, ended April 17, 56 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Abandonment by Sgt. Pepper.
550 points, ended May 17, 40 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites contest!!!!!!!!!!!! enter!!!!! by foreveryourslove.
1120 points, ended November 9, 1062 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Lovelorn by poster.
360 points, ended October 17, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 1000 points, 1000 pws by Shadow Anonymised.
1000 points, ended November 23, 1039 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Prompt Contest. PW's Allowed by n.e.o.n.
1800 points, ended November 7, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 35 of 35
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Wow! This is Very touching and stunningly penned! Loved the way it's been penned with perfect rhyme and such beautiful emotions! Thank you for entering my contest, Best wishes!
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i liked this. i like the emotion you brought. thanks for entering and good luck.
-- jordan -
This is so sad. Suicide is such a tragedy. When one feels there is no way out. I can see in SOME cases how it would be a way out. If you had nobody. I could feel the pain and the confusion as well. Nice work on this. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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This appears a variation on a theme from another poem entered by you in this and doubtless other contests. One is entitled to question who and or what haunts who and or what with the final couplet
You think killing yourself for me clever
But, my love, mistakes haunt you forever.
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This was a real sad write you have here. Full of emotions and feelings. It was good. I enjoyed it. THank you for entering and best of luck too you in the contest!
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You think killing yourself for me clever
But, my love, mistakes haunt you forever.
wonderful rhyming.
sad, but amazingly written.
thanks for entering,
good luck. -
saad emotianal but still that poem was good it was my best one ye
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very sad and very amazing. i loved the rhyme in this one. thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck!
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A wonderful poem! I love poems written in form. This is extremely well written and it speaks volumes. The rhyme wasn't forced and the entire piece flowed really well. Great job.
-Dancing in the rain I hold your ghost’s hand
Rain whispers on my face as though you’re there
I love how you said the 'rain whispers'. That is brilliant. This image you have created is wonderful!
Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest :]
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Beautifully written, flowing with lovely images...there is something bittersweet about it, the memories with it's sad ending...
''Dancing in the rain I hold your ghost’s hand
Rain whispers on my face as though you’re there''
=>very poetic
take care
Suza
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wow this is good. I liked the line about dancing in the rain holding your ghosts hand. Excellent imagery there. Great job. Thanks for sharing this with us and thanks for entering this into my contest.
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I love sonnets and I've already decided that I will soon dip into the form. Thank you for putting a description in your AN that actually addresses the different kinds of sonnets, because most people only say that it's a sonnet. This is a bit darker than most sonnets are, and that gives it a different, unique taste to it. I like your originality in this and thank you for entering it in my contest.
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That is so sad. Congrats on the trophies you have earned with this write. It's very good and deserving of them.
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Very good
I enjoyed this very much. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck
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amazing, very good write,
obviously i stated i love rhyme, nice rhythm and flow,
a lot of meaning and passion,
unoriginal i know but favourite line is the last 2
You think killing yourself for me clever
But, my love, mistakes haunt you forever.
most powerful, great ending to a great poem,
thank you for your entry,
alex -
Yet another absolutely beautiful and emotional piece.
This is quite a poetic contrast to the very blunt feelings of the other poem, both good in different ways.
The ending lines really made this piece for me. Ironic, seeing as this poem is essentially about the end of something beautiful.
The prompt was well understood, and were it to be a line from this piece, would fit in with ease- So I must congratulate you on that too.
The prompt:
"Ushinate shima tada isshou wo"
Translated from the song:
Yuduki ~ You
Another wondefully sad, yet beautifully intruiging write. Thank you for entering, and good luck. x
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Wonderful.......I like it Oh so very much.
Dancing in the rain I hold your ghost’s hand
Rain whispers on my face as though you’re there
This emptiness is not what I had planned
This loss is more than I can truly bear.
You think killing yourself for me clever
But, my love, mistakes haunt you forever
Enchanting lines. They have a rythem that is almost unbeatable.
Thank You for You entry.
Kathryn.
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I think the poem is amazing.. It's a different rhyme so it was something new but really nice to read. I think it's also very unique in it's own way. I also would like to ask did you mean to use the word 'bear' instead of 'bare?' Os just a simple mistake? Congrats welcome to round 2
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"You think killing yourself for me clever
But, my love, mistakes haunt you forever" I've never read anything like this before. it was kinda twisted in a way. But needless to say i liked this alot. thanks for entering -
This was a great poem. i absolutly loved it. Welcome to the finalists! congrats.
Kaycee
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Very good!!! I really enjoyed reading this write.. keep up the great work!!!! good luck in my contest!
Shannon*Leah -
Great Job thanks for entering.
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I'm kinda confused. But I liked it in the end. good write. good luck in the contest.
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The sonnet form fits these ideas admirably. Nicely balanced and heartfelt. A difficult subject to write about but the execution here is immaculate..
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I love.. Dancing in the rain I hold your ghosts hand...so creative I could imagine doing just that. So beautiful..so tragic
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So true and so filled with heart and depth. It is an awful time for those of us, that are left behind. So many "what-if's" and unanswered questions, confusion and uncertainty. It is tragic, and it hurts. I am so sorry for your loss.
I felt distinct pain as I read, as I've lost two people close to me in my life through suicide. There are no clear and distinct answers, even in notes, even if they blame you for it in some way. One of them, did blame me for it in a way. There is support and people who do wish to be there for you when you feel you need it.
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There is little in life that is sadder or more unexplainable than this, and we are left with a million "what ifs".... you have portrayed this very, very powerfully....
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I am sure this will touch a lot of people, both because the story is so powerful but also because the poem really works as a way of telling it. Well done on writing such a piece, and I am sorry for your loss.
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Ain't it the truth?
This is both a truly beautiful and tragic poem and it's sad that this actually happened to you.
'Dancing in the rain I hold your ghost’s hand
Rain whispers on my face as though you’re there'
The imagery here is brilliant. I love it.
x x x
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How i hate the selfishness of those who seek to take their lives believing that by doing so ends all pain and problems they face. With never a thought for those live they touched and left behind. Those that are the worst are the ones who ensure that they can cause the most hurt by laying the blame for their inadequacies on other
That is not to say that there are some who feel this is the only way out.but why do you see some taking the lives of others( usually their children) I hope they suffer an eternity for their act
Whoops sorry i am meant to be commenting on the poem A beautiful yet heartfelt piece that is more than worthy of the Gold award
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Uniquely scribed collective thoughts on someone's surviving a suicide. I've never understood survivers assuming the one lost reasons were all about them. No reflection on this finely crafted piece. Just a personal observation.Having thoughts of such myself at times. And suffering the loss from such events. It just never in my own thoughts revolved around any vengeful or implication of another.But I've heard it said ,suicide is the ultimite revenge too. Just don't believe most victims intend that. It's more a case of self absorbed agony for someone to deal with and can't.
Sorry to be so long winded.
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He left a note detailing why he did it, and in the note he blamed me.
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Oh,I'm so sorry to hear that. Because there's usually alot more issues to it of a personal nature.I am sincerly sorry for your loss.
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Nicely done. This is a very bittersweet poem. Many people think that suicide is a personal choice that does not affect others. In fact it effects others very much.
These lines stand out in particular:
Dancing in the rain I hold your ghost’s hand
Rain whispers on my face as though you’re there
This emptiness is not what I had planned
This loss is more than I can truly bear.
Great job.
Mike
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wowowowowow lol i dont know what else to say. This is so sad and so true. the last two lines hhit me so hard. you have so much talent and are one of the most amazing writers i have ever met. keep up the good work babe. i am so sorry for your pain that you have suffered here. love ya xx
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